The Liberator Gaming Front

A Collection of Gaming Quotes

The Vohl Campaign

So a long time ago I worked at an internet company, and several of my friends got off shift and would place D&D in the secondary break room. I had a different shift, so I used to wander through on break, watch them enviously, and then wander back to work.

When we stopped working there because it closed, I could finally join the game. Excitement!

I don't have all the quotes I have for this game - I have typed notes that don't include the quotes, and the original notes are gone, and the quotes with them. So nothing of the battle wherein I met the party, or the quest to drop the evil item into a lake, or the magnificent moment of being friends with things that speak goblin.


Fahlin

FEBRUARY 3, 2004

Pete's character Fahlin, drawn by me.


Across the Desert

FEBRUARY 4, 2004

Mayar: How about a lock?
Merchant: How good a lock?
Mayar: One he can’t get into *points at Fahlin*

Kris: If there’s a rock pile in the middle of the desert…
Roland: …we will find it…
Kris: …and have to dig our way out of it…

Roland: It’s still the “I’ve gotten bitten by a camel” day.


The GM Has All the Answers

APRIL 4, 2004

Jared [GM]: You successfully looted the spider.

Pete: Have you been bitten by a camel today?

NPC: That man just turned into a camel!!
Arahad: It’s a condition he has.

Fahlin: Because if there’s blind people around, I can make myself tinkle.
Everyone:What???

Jared [GM]: Fahlin moves silently up to Mayar. “Ooh, I feel tingly!”

Mayar: From now on I only drink water that I make. *pause* Magically.

Pete: Pi should be a letter of the alphabet.
Stephanie: Why?
Jared [GM]: So then you could spell pizza with only four letters.

Jared [GM]: What’s your sign? *mimes holding up a wooden sign* Fresh Water.

Pete: How much did it cost to lease out a cart in Port Col?
Jared [GM]: Give me a minute. What did you expect me to have all the answers?
Kris and Pete: Yes, you’re the GM.
Jared [GM]: Oh shit.

NPC: You want some company tonight?
Arahad: Yes.
Jared [GM]: You see Arahad led off by his holy symbol.
Kris: So it is going to be Holy Symbol and … long sword tonight.

Kris: Wow! Two silver pieces! In a week I can afford a whore!
[My husband pointed out, when he heard this, that I’m not good at math]

Kris: One house for rent. Must provide own windows.

Jared [GM]: That’d be a good side quest: Find all of Fahlin’s parts.


The Doom Song

MAY 10, 2004

Pete: He who is played by a female character…

Jared [GM]: dadadadadada…Inspector Fahlin..

NPC Thug: You’re going to pay for that!
[NPC thug immediately drops weapon]

Arahad: He lost a lot of blood.
Codo: We replaced it with alcohol.

Stephanie: Let’s go sing the doom song with the neighbor again!

Bryan: Hey, at least you got to be killed.


Doom, Doom, and More Doom

MAY 31, 2004

Bryan: Hey, it’s the Blood Cave of Doom!

Jared [GM]: Plans for the evening?
Pete: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry.
Bryan: Hi Merry.

Jared [GM]: Maybe next time you can get Yahtzee!

Mayar: [stretches]
Fahlin: Stiff, are you?
Mayar: Gets that way sometimes.
Kris: [starts to giggle]
Everyone: [laughter]
Jared [GM]: Put that in the quotes.

Kris: It’s the Travelling Fahlin and Codo Show!

Pete: What’s wrong with my bowls?

Pete: You have failed your salad dressing check.

Jared [GM]: Yeah, you conquered the salad dressing.

Fahlin [to Codo]: I hope you get stabbed in the back first.

Mayar: You died, so what?

Fahlin: Have you ever looked down on your own dead body?
Mayar: It’s all part of the natural circle.

Jared [GM]: We are the GIDG – The Gastro-Intestinal Dysfunctional Group.

Kris [to Jared]: I pat my horse.
Jared [GM]: It nickers at you. Nickers?
Kris: Whickers?
Jared [GM]: Whicker always makes me think of wicker.
Kris: Nicker makes me think of women’s undergarments.
Jared [GM]: Okay, it whickers at you.
Bryan: Whinnies? Horses whinny.
Roland: No that’s totally different.
Kris: Whuffles?
Jared [GM]: Waffle?
Pete: What? How did we get to waffles?

Priest: I think we’re holding a two for one deal around here today!

[Arahad and Codo make arrangements to go to the brothel]
Pete [Telling the GM Fahlin’s Plans]: If they are partaking in the activity I think they are partaking in, I’m going to go do something similar.
Roland [to Kris]: Similar??

Jared [GM]: You had a rock in your inventory??

Pete: The butterfly ate my children.

Joanna: I like organizing other people’s stuff.
Stephanie: I can already tell we’re going to be great friends.

Stephanie: It’s a big white spot of doom!

Jared [GM]: Sand-Shake-Shimmy

[We go to the DockSide Tavern]
Kris: The Dock Side of the Force?
Jared [GM]: The Dock Side of the Force? Is that the Boston Sith?
Bryan and Pete: The Dahk Side of the Fahce.

Codo: Okay, off to buy pitons.
Jared [GM]: Pythons??

[On break, we are walking to the local convenience store. Interestingly enough, only the people with PCs are walking. We’re in a little group.]
Bryan: Wait! We have to be in proper marching order!!
[We all line up according to how our characters generally line up for marching order. Pete gets behind Bryan who is behind Roland, and Kris scurries up in front of Roland.]
Roland [To Kris]: But you walk slowly!
Kris: I’m in full plate! And I’m short!!

Fahlin: That was painless.
Jared [GM]: Funny you should say that.

Arahad: Fall down and go dead.

Jared [GM]: Sir Bleeding All Over The Place!!


A Little Character Death Never Hurt

JULY 6, 2004

Jared [GM]: There’s something etched into the blade.

Roland: “Die Elf Die?”

Fahlin: Is he dead?
Roland: He’s not dead yet, Jim.

Pete: Two deaths in two sessions. Is someone trying to tell me something??

Arahad: I wonder how far I can throw [Fahlin]. He can’t get much worse.

Kris: You’d better watch out. When he [Mayar in animal shape] growls, water falls out of the sky and attacks you.

Jared [GM]: You’re dead. Only Arahad can talk to you right now.

Pete: Codo is no longer part of my inventory.

Jared [GM]: Mayar, please follow me around like a lost puppy.
Bryan: I can do that!
Jared [GM]: You could follow me around *as* a lost puppy.

Stephanie: Yay! I love exploding strawberries.

Jared [GM]: [As Fahlin, after a book explodes in his face] So, how was your book?

Codo: What blew up?
Mayar: Fahlin.

Arahad: Boom. How much boom? Is there still an Inn there?

Mayar [drunk]: Hey! My friend blew up! [Mayar shapeshifts into a dog and walks out of the bar, except he walks into a wall instead.]

[Kris points out the cool lightning outside.]
Jared [GM]: See? Cue ominous lightning! Cue ominous thunder!
Outside: Thunder


A New Member to the Party

JULY 16, 2004

Codo: Anyone have food?

Pete: That’s a negative, Batman.
Codo: …what?? Fahlin: I don’t know either.

Kris: We’re not talking to you. We’re talking to Other-You.

Codo: It’s name is The Inn?
Gray: Yes.
Mayar: Is there a The Out?

Jared [GM]: Fahlin, you can add that rock back into your inventory.

Mayar: Look I can’t go changing shape around everyone!
Farlock: That’s what stables are for.

Stephanie and Joanna: Here leezard leezard leezard…

Gray: What’s with the funky bottle?
Mayar: It’s light. It came from a lake. Don’t ask.

[after Codo spends the night at the brothel]
Jared [GM]: What do you do after you get up? Well, I know what you do after you get up. What do you do when you leave Worldly Wonders?

Mayar: We ended up on Panamania.

Joanna: It’s that special time in an elf’s life…


And Another New Character Enters

AUGUST 9, 2004

Pete: Bryan’s apartment is not yard-enabled.

Jared [GM], trying to decide how much a bouquet of flowers costs: They would make a poor meal. And a poor meal costs 1 silver piece, so…

Kyle: How much for a camel?
Jared [GM]: A candle?
Kris: Are you buying a cantelope??

On weapons envy:
Codo: I still have 2 more.
Kyle: [buys more weapons.]
Codo: You have some serious weapons issues.
Kyle: In my line of work you can’t have too many.
Codo: Finally! Someone who understands!!

Jaemyrilloss: Happy Birthday! You get to lead an army!

Gray: I give them my various bits.

Roland: pickled ginger squid.

Mayar: I see the lizards have arrived!

Jared [GM]: Apparently whenever I DM, dwarves are doomed.

Kris: Just like I’ve got a synergy bonus on my ride skill.
Roland: Because you handle animals.

After Mayar casts barkskin on Codo’s horse:
Kris: Great, I have a floating tree horse.


A Steamy Night

AUGUST 16, 2004

Bryan: Just think, the steam cleaning got the blood out of the leather!

[Kyle hands Codo back a dagger]
Kyle: No lost abilities there.
Codo: Stop Stealing My Weapons!!!!

Gray: I do not have any spells of daisy summoning.

Bryan: Steamed Seamen.
Jared [GM]: Why do you do that? How hard is it to say steamed sailors?

Mayar: In this whole world, don’t you just want to know about everything?
Codo: No, if I had, I would have been a bard.
Mayar: No, not everything. Just…everything. But not everything.

Roland: I got attacked by technology.

Pete: What kind of forest is it?
Bryan: It’s a forest made of trees.

Jared [GM]: Look, Codo can get another complex!

[Very long, involved grammar discussion on Roalnd helping the couch eat Kris]
Kris: I can’t even write that down, it’s too convoluted.

Kris: I’m being bitch-slapped by a pine monster?

Pete: If it’s not dead, I need to have a discussion with the GM.
[Codo makes his first attack]
Jared [GM]: It’s not dead. What exactly did you want to discuss?
Kris: My second attack.

Jared [GM]: There are no disturbances in the night.
Roland: That’s my job.

Bryan: Ooh, I check out the berries.
Pete: Are they sexy?

Mayar: Oh we’re having plant trouble again.

Kris: Break free, tumble back, get healed.
Jared [GM] [calling out initiative rounds]: Kyle.
Roland: Break free, tumble back, get healed.

Pete: There is a reason I wanted my spells to be cast in Infernal.
Jared [GM]: Why, because it scared the fighter every time you do it?

Kris: It’s like having a little angel of ecology on one shoulder and a little devil on the other shoulder trying to tell me what to do.


Wheel of Druid!

AUGUST 23, 2004

Jared [GM]: One off the counter.
Roland: Tick.
Kris: We can make explodey noises at the end of all this ticking if you’d like.

Jared [GM]: The Man with the Mace misses.
Kris: Go Man with the Mace!
Roland: No! Stay!!

Pete: Bad Treasure!

Kris: And Mayar has been ridden many times before.

Jared [GM]: Did you feel privileged that the wookie was performing for you?

Jared [GM] describing Ingle’s actions: crisps.

Mayar: [heals Ingle from fire damage]
Ingle: Glad I wasn’t attached to my hair.
Mayar: It’ll grow back. I have to take care of the horse.

Jared [GM]: Mayar is intoning silently…

Jared [GM]v: I now have the only halfling who doesn’t speak halfling.

Jared [GM]: He also lost about 100 pounds.
Roland: Way to go on a diet.
Kris: Not exactly a diet.
Roland: Well, he died.

Jared [GM]: I am one of those priest-cleric type people. Hieronyous has blessed me into his service. [pause] This paperwork can wait.

Jared [GM][as Priest, to Gray]: You may be being used as a weapon.
Roland and Kris have the conversation Kyle and Codo would have if they’d heard that line:
Codo: We could use Gray as a weapon! Flip you for him!
Kyle [grinning]: Heads, I win?
Codo: Tails, I win.
Kyle [holding out a coin ready to flip]: Suuuuure……..
Codo: I think I’d rather use one of my own coins…..

Pete: One of my horses is my horse.

Jared [GM]: That water vortex can break up a ship.
Pete: It can break up a tentacle monster.
Jared [GM]: You’re not on a tentacle monster.

[On the Concept of the Cleric becoming a halfling}
Everyone (more or less): He shrunk in the dryer.

Kyle: At least I didn’t lost my eyebrows.
Kris: Stick with the party; You will.

Kris: Let’s play the reincarnate game!
Pete: Wheel! Of! Druid!


Testing the New Rogue

SEPTEMBER 26, 2004

Kris: Our new rogue is falling down a pit trap.

Jared [GM]: It feels like the sickness was blown out of you.
Kris:Ew.

Jared [GM]: Dammit. Why is this thing so small?
Kris: Sounds like a personal problem.

Roland: I get out my arrow and shoot a bow at it.

Jared [GM]: I could say one word and further this conversation: prehensile.

Kyle: Give me a count.
Gray: A what?
Kyle: A ‘one, two, three’ thing.
Mayar (in bear form): Roar. Roar. Roar.

Kyle: It’s big, it’s nasty, Codo I found it!

Kyle: Nice day for a walk.

Pete: Gray has some uncanny sense for dodging hurt. It comes in handy sometimes.
Kris: Only sometimes?


A Light Session

MARCH 18, 2005

Gray: Arahad! He had the same symbol thing going on.


On Loot

APRIL 1, 2005

Gray: Do we need another chest?
Mayar: No, we have enough chest.

Jared [GM]: Coins weigh money!

Roland: They are in my handysack. It’s very handy.

Codo: It’s better than waking up in leather. *pause* It’s better than getting beat on in leather.
Jared [GM]: That’s a better quote.


Crop Circles

MAY 13, 2005

Jared [GM]: Recap.
Peter: We bought stuff.

Jared [GM]: Well the town is bustling, my job is complete, what are your plans?

Jared [GM]: Codo gets his plate on.
Kris: Yes, yes he does. *pause* With Mayar, no less.

Roland: *mimes pulling creatures from a bag* Rat. Bat. Mayar.

Jared [GM]: All the grass in the area is flat.
Kris: We’ve created a crop circle!


Dice in the Road

JUNE 17, 2005

Jared [GM]: You’ve given Codo yet another complex.
Kris: I don’t know what it is. Whenever I’m in a game my character goes insane.
Pete: And not even when playing call of Cthulhu.
Kris: I’ve never played Call of Cthulhu. I’d probably stay sane.

Jared [GM]: There’s something in the road. There’s something glistening in the road.
Kris: It’s probably Pete’s dice.

Roland: *mimes shooting a bird* Thwak. Thwak. Thwak. Dammit I’m out of arrow. Oh shit it’s a druid. *zort*

Jared [GM]: What did you get, dear?
Joanna: Coffee.
Jared [GM]: Oh great.

Pete: I think we may have a dead cat here soon.
Joanna and Stephanie: *yowl*

Pete: Yes, you are chopping down grass with a battleaxe.
Roland: This sucks.

Jared [GM]: A bolt of lightning strikes at you, Gray.
Kris: This is a shock.
Jared [GM]: No pun intended?
Kris: No pun intended.


A Stop At The Smithy

JULY 29, 2005

Codo: Someone tell the lovebirds in the back there’s a dustcloud. And to prepare for…dust. That sounded stupid.

Kris: I’m sitting in Bryan’s spot, I’m taking Mayar’s job.

At the blacksmith’s, having weapons checked:
Gray: my quarterstaff. Don’t think it’s been used much.
Kris and Roland: It’s wood.

Roland: I am sharp and pointy.

Codo: The horse will sink when you take off it’s hooves.
Blacksmith: Into the ground?
Pete and Roland: Take off it’s hooves??

Kyle: Drink a mug of water before you go to bed.
Codo: I’m usually too drunk to remember.
Kyle: That’s why you put a mug next to the bed.
Codo: So you can knock it over stumbling about trying to reach the bed?
Joanna: Ew. Premoistened bed.

Gray: Well, nothing’s stopping us, except that we don’t know where it is.


Another Plane of Reality

SEPTEMBER 18, 2005

Roland: Next encounter: 6 inch tall giants.

Ingol: I’m the healer and the helper. He’s the healer and the hurter. Between us we can make sure you’re healed, helped, and…hopefully not hurt.

Codo: I don’t want to walk on walls.
Gray: There are no walls to walk on. It’s even weirder.
Codo: That didn’t help.

Roland: *burps*
Pete: Excuse me.


The Virtues of Fighters

OCTOBER 1, 2005

Gray: I’m starting to see the benefits of fighters. As I become one.
Codo: Yes, we don’t all just whimper and want to go home. Some of us are useful.
Gray: Sometimes.

Codo: Is that all you got?
Kris: We get stupider as we get hurt.

Pete: Reroute blood flow from gaping hole to brain.


Alliteration

OCTOBER 22, 2005

Jared [GM]: We have two ‘G’s now – Garl and Gray. Kris: Why don’t you just call one Gnome?


Roland: Going to sneak up…draw out my thing…
[Kris and Pete look at each other and snicker]


Combat

OCTOBER 30, 2005

Pete: Get out your saving throws.


Back to Town

NOVEMBER 7, 2005

Kris: Welcome to the travel agency of Fharlanghn!

Bryan: Gray, the Cleric-Breaker!

Mayar: We should go see the Captain.
Codo: I would but she’s probably busy.
Mayar: What? Who?
Codo: The Captain? Khyreen?

Mayar: The intermingled sound is free.

[Going through the things in the party treasury to get rid of them]
Kris: This is my favorite. We have a silver mechanical thing fulled with sand.
[Everyone laughs]
Kris: Yes, we saved a clockwork horror.


Taking Out Things

DECEMBER 17, 2005

Mayar: I have a belief that when nature calls, I do what nature says.

Kris: Oh, I have a thing. I can’t make it come out.

Pete: There’s been entirely too much taking out of things today.
Jared [GM]: I suppose we could try putting things back in…don’t answer that.

Jared [GM]: I guess if he gets frustrated he can use the chain as a whip.
Roland: *mimes whipping the horse* Faster!
Kris: [as Kyle] Faster! *whips the horse, horse dies* [as Codo] Kyle! What did you do? [as Kyle] They weren’t fast enough! [As Codo] Oh yes, this is much faster now.

Jared [GM]: Okay, he bites your ankle, and you gain 17 health.

Jared [GM]: What are you now, Mayar?
Bryan: A dog. There are certain advantages to it.
Jared [GM]: What, you can piss without having to unzip?


God’s Hairdryer

FEBRUARY 4, 2006

Jared [GM]: What’s the occasion?
Codo: He wants to show off.
Gray: That’s not an occasion.
Mayar: That’s a daily occurrence.

Jared [GM]: I just have this mental image of a billboard: Flamestrike! God’s Hairdryer!

Roland: Well, when you’re in a snake pit, you knock down snakes. When you’re in a stake pit, you knock down stakes.


Wanted: Fire

FEBRUARY 12, 2006

Mayar: The bat came back because it’s too bright out.
Pete: Should it be noted the bat is not too bright?

Jared [GM]: Party frozen in ice, please send torch.

Kris: So we’re cutting them off at the knees. Well, three feet, we’re cutting them off at the groin.
Bryan: *wincing* Well, they did want to cut off our hands.
Kris: We cut off something more precious.

Pete: Gray crisps.
Kris: Another crisping cleric.


Squishy

APRIL 8, 2006

Kris: Zombiehug!
Pete: Would that be a particularly squishy hug?

Mayar: At some point, I think we’re just going to get an assassin up the backside.

Jared [GM]: I need more fiber. Need to move this assassin out. He’s been there three days.


Dungeon Crawling

APRIL 17, 2006

Bryan: He can see a wart on a flea.
Pete: Can fleas even get warts?
Kris: If they can, he can see it. Eww! That flea just grew a wart!

Bryan: I stick my staff into the hole.

Jared [GM]: This dungeon is not designed around steel.
Bryan: No, it’s mostly rocky and hard.

Jared [GM]: You can roll listen to hear the hallway sigh in pleasure as you walk through.

Pete: I can’t remember who’s is larger.
Kris: Are you just going to whip them out and compare? I’m sure your maps are here somewhere.
Pete: I don’t have mine handy.
Jared [GM]: I take mine where-ever I go.
Pete: I don’t.
Bryan: Must be detachable.
Jared [GM] and Kris: Mmm, detachable.
Jared [GM]: Girl’s best friend.


And Then There Was Mayar

APRIL 19, 2006

Bryan: I never thought I’d see a person have a love affair with an ooze.

Mayar: So. The rock made you slow.

Unknown: If I have three snakes in my right hand and five scorpions in my left hand, how many badgers does it take to fill up an elephant?

Mayar: I look at myself. I have problems.


A Normal Session

MAY 13, 2006

Jared [GM]: And Joanna is caressing my Monster Manual.
Joanna: Mmmmmmm.
Jared [GM]: Oh, monster manual.

Jared [GM]: That’s the first thing I think of when I see a parrot. ‘Come here parrot. Have you been pissed on today? Let me fix that.’

Kris: Trees don’t have “there’s”. Unless they have dryads. In which case she would have come out by now. ‘Get away from my tree! They went that way!’


Dear Nature…

AUGUST 20, 2006

Kris: You know Pete, you just pulled a guitar out of Jared’s ass.

Mayar: Dear Nature: Please allow me to take the horse with me. It has served us or someone faithfully.

Kris: Dear Nature, I’d like a pony. Love, Mayar.

Jared [GM]: I’ve developed a certain fondness for battle for the sake of battle, instead of battle for the sake of glory.
Outside: *thunder*
Jared [GM]: Cue ominous thunder.


Shopping!

SEPTEMBER 9, 2006

Gray: I’d like to buy some weapons.
Mayar: Enough to fill that cart?
Gray: Not necessarily.
Blacksmith: How many?
Kris: Enough to fill that cart.

Mayar: Her dress leaves a lot…to be covered.

Codo: My weapons are talking to me.

Joanna: She doesn’t suck quite as much.

Kris: Plate doesn’t expand.
Jared [GM]: Magic plate does shape to the wearer. Hmm, wonder how that works.
Kris: That’s pretty good protection.


The Menagerie

MARCH 31, 2007

Codo: I’m sorry bat. I didn’t expect you to be a bat.

Kris: And Mayar is still a turtle. On a plain. A reptile! On a plain!
Jared [GM]: On a plain or on a plane.

Jared [GM]: The log does go first.

Codo: What, you’ve never heard of the ancient Elven city of New York? And the giant crocodiles that live in the sewers?

Kyle: I can dig a burrow.

Jared [GM]: There’s a fish in here and you suddenly feel much better.

Kyle: I’m the brains of the group. I’m a badger.


Another Light Session

MAY 12, 2007

Horse: Okay, sure, fine.

Pete: There’s got to be some sort of interplanar hooker here.


Horse Breeding

JULY 28, 2007

Pete: This game seems to have been brought to you by the number 10.

Mayar: Codo, I am not a dating service.

Bryan: I will talk to both horses and make sure there is consensual sex.


The Wonderful Thing About Mayars

AUGUST 25, 2007

Kris: The wonderful thing about Mayars, is Mayars are wonderful things!
Pete: Their tops are made out of feathers, their bottoms are made out of wings!
Jared [GM]: Flying ass-first into battle.

Bryan: Roland!
Roland: What?
Bryan: Your condensation messed up my character sheet!

Roland: One blade, one spear, ginsu next turn.

Bryan: But where does he put the floppy drive?
Kris: All I can say is I prefer hard drives over floppies.

Bryan: Solar Bear.
Kris (Singing) Solar bear, solar bear, solar bear
Pete: Bump ba da dun
Kris: It glows from its hair!


Joanna Only Shows Up When There’s Combat

NOVEMBER 17, 2007

Kris: OMG, Mayar has a learning curve!

Bryan puts his book on Kris’ elbow.
Kris: Ow.
Bryan (not paying attention): Okay.
Kris: Bryan, that was my elbow!
Bryan: That’s fine.

Kris: You’re rooting for the stone ladybug!
Joanna: No! I’m totally on team Animate People!

Pete: I need to upgrade my weapon.
Bryan: I need to upgrade my magic.

Jared [GM]: Codo got woody. Well, he does love to fight.


Sex

MARCH 15, 2008

Joanna: Rats make everything better.
Pete: Can I have a rat?

Jared [GM]: Looks pretty well used.
Everyone: laughs
Kris: You all heard what I heard, right?

Mayar: You’re going to have little studlings!
Kris: Foals! The word is foals!

Kris: You’re glowing dear. Did you save the world today? Or was it just good sex?
Pete: Probably save the world.

Pete: If more of my peeps are downstairs, I’ll go to bed.
Meta-Codo: Your peeps? Do I look yellow and covered in sugar?
Meta-Mayar: I do not have a marshmallow center.


Dear Santa

APRIL 26, 2008

Pete: Oh!
Bryan: What?
Pete: Oh!
Bryan: What?
Pete: Oh ho ho ho!
Bryan: What?
Kris: He’s Santa Claus.

Jared [GM]: With their horns and their claws and their wings and their tails.

Joanna: His lap has the right lap-like consistency for cats to lie on.

Pete: If they take aggressive action towards us.
Joanna: Like eating you?

Roland: I’ll turn on Cuisinart mode in a moment.

Kris: Yay votes of confidence from the voices in our heads.

Grey: The voices in my head aren’t answering anymore.

Jared [GM]: Do anything else before others wake up?
Pete: Dance an interpretative dance?
Jared [GM]: *boogies*

Codo: I didn’t know it had a magic activation word. He says hernia and turns into a camel.

Jared [GM]: You all get 200xp.
Pete: Can’t you make it a nice even 222?


In Hell

NOVEMBER 17, 2008

Jared [GM]: The viscious…hell-lamp.

Jared [GM]: I can see it now – fiery glowing orb, shoots flames at you.

Kris: Don’t give the lamp ideas.
Pete: The GM didn’t need ideas, the lamp certainly doesn’t need ideas.

Jared [GM]: Mayar, you take 26 points of damage. It feels as if –
Lynx the cat hops up on the table and smacks over the miniatures with his tail.
Kris: Like a cat smacked you with it’s tail.
Jared [GM]: *facepalms*

Roland: *mumbling* I’m going to heal myself.
Kris: What?? Oh. Heal himself. Not kill himself.


Math and Planes

JUNE 20, 2009

Kris: I got a 9.
Jared [GM]: Don’t forget to add something to that.
Kris: I did! 5+1+3 is 9!
Bryan: 3+3+3 is 9!
Kris and Bryan high-five.
Pete: Clearly we have mastered sesame street math.

Pete: I’m not sure you can wash off the river Styx that well.

Pete: How much damage does a rock do?

Secal: You should be grateful to your friends for saving you from your madness.
Mayar: Who will save them from their madness?
Eladon: *You’re* the one playing with the River Styx!

Jared [GM]: Eventually Secal convinces them that yes, that’s all his stuff, no, there isn’t anything else, yes, those are my guards, no, you can’t eat the elves, yes, I’m sure the meat looks very tender…

Kris: So wait, that’s why it’s been overcast? Because I got a telescope? And want to take it outside and look at the stars?
Pete: Clearly the only solution is to spy on your neighbors.

Jared [GM]: But with the fresh breeze, at least it’s a fresh fetid breath.


Dramatic Scenes

AUGUST 16, 2009

Mayar: All I can think of is what brand are the wolves?
Roland: Walmart.

Jared [GM]: He raises his hand and something happens. It’ll be spectacular, I’m sure.

Kris: Like I needed an elbow in the shin.
Bryan: I’m healing Codo and hurting Kris.

Codo: I am the Slayer of That Which Opposes the Light. That the best you got?


Dealing With Devils

MARCH 27, 2010

Jared [GM]: Codo’s back to full health. Time to start looking in the monster manual.

Mayar: I hope she’s not putting herself in danger.
Codo: (to the voice) Meaning no disrespect… (to Mayar): Why do you *care* if *she’s* putting herself in danger?

Pete: I sense a lack of disturbance in the Force.

Kris: No streaking. This is a no streaking game.
Jared [GM]: Have you played in a streaking game?
Kris: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Jared [GM]: Yes.

Codo: We’re on a Holy Quest. This is what happens when your cleric is a cleric of a war god. You have to go start a war.
Allie: I’ve been hanging out with you guys too long. That started to make sense.

Pete: If I was writing a book, Chapter Whatever: A Second Deal with a Second Devil.

Shefful: I’m sure someone here has rope.
Kris: There’s the battazhow! [Or however that is spelled] You’re adventurers! Adventurers always have rope!

Grey: This is what he says, take it with appropriately-sized grains of salt.

Mayar: I cannot believe we’ve been dragged down to common theivery.
Elladon: I don’t think there’s anything common about this.

Kris: Oh, so it’s a Tasmanian Devil. Those are easily defeated.
Roland: We need a rabbit. Did anyone bring a rabbit?
Bryan: Aw heck we forgot the rabbit.
Kris: Can you turn into a rabbit?
Bryan: Yes! …no, wait, no!

Roland: I could just dodge out of the way.
Kris: I couldn’t! What is it with people tonight? “Let’s shoot a lightning bolt through Codo!” “Let’s shoot an arrow over Codo’s head!” “Let’s trample Codo with a rhinocerous!”


Arahad and Codollaeytharis at the Cave of Light

MARCH 16, 2013

Arahad (Alcarnor’s character) and Codollaeytharis (my character) were destroying a horribly evil amulet. We we at at the very end of the quest, the Cave of Light, and the DM ran us such a COOL scene that neither one of us has been able to talk about forevermore. This is Arahad and Codo, as the shimmering, shining light portal begins to open in the underwater, completely black cave.
So we drew a picture. It started as a photo of myself and Alcarnor. Fortunately we’re about the right heights for each other. Alcarnor then drew the cave and the ring of light. I drew Arahad and Codo. We scanned our art into Photoshop and Alcarnor did the hard part of melding the two into one size and placing everything into the same piece. He also flipped the cave to negative so it was a shining white portal instead of the dark charcoal one he’d originally done. We also did some gradients on the figures as a guide.
I then took over. I glowed up the portal (there are about 7 or 8 layers on the portal alone at this point) and then did the shadows on Codo and Arahad, then added the highlights. Finally I darkened up some of the cave and faded out the figures into the blackness, and spiffed up the glow a bit more.


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