The Liberator Gaming Front

A Collection of Gaming Quotes

The Tavere Campaign

So we'd been playing Vohl, but there were issues, and others wanted to play, and timing was off, so Jared started a new campaign.


The Quest Begins

MAY 14, 2011

Flindar: Mom? Can I take this whirring thing?
Mom: What whirring thing?
Flindar: This whirring thing. I found it.
Mom: Let me see that. Did we make this?
Flindar:I sure hope so.

GM: Flindar’s company does pyrotechnic work.
Joanna: Intentionally and unintentionally.

Joanna: Do you look like a Vinny?
Kris: He’s going to make us an offer we can’t refuse – worship Pelor or else.

Kris: Vinny the Paladin.
Bryan: My brother’s name is Paulo. I could have been Paulo the Paladin.
Joanna: Of Pelor?


A New Player Enters

JUNE 14, 2011

Sean: Camels. An arsenal of pain.

Joanna: I just stuck a what in the what with a what?


The Start of a Theme

JUNE 24, 2011

This was the start of a running theme: The dire corrupted arachnogamelcorn.

It’s a terrible beast. Arachnid, Goat, Camel, and Unicorn.


Goblins!

JULY 8, 2011

Garos: Who wants to spy in the brothel?

Sean: I start yelling her name.
Kris and Joanna: His.
Sean: Oh sorry.
Joanna: Doesn’t matter. I have long hair.
Sean: I have bad eyes.

Jared [GM]: They are all laying down and not moving.
Joanna: They could be dead goblins for all we know.
Sean: What, they stole the pigs and committed ritual suicide?

Sean: You charge…what do you do at the end?
Jared [GM] and Joanna: You attack.
Sean: I didn’t remember.


A Jedi Comes to Town

JULY 22, 2011

Jared [GM]: Oh right. You had a brandy and then went to sleep on a bench.
Joanna: Do you have to say it like that? You make me sound like a classy hobo.


Sickness in Garos’ Tribe

AUGUST 6, 2011

Sean: I use orcish hand cream. Made from fresh orcs.

Jared [GM]: GM needs to fix his notes. Jeremy is not the sister to anybody.

Sean: Right now he’s a dry-hump camel.

Jared [GM]: I’m sensing a story title here. N’Pesh One-Eye and the Blind Barbarian.


Searching for Help

SEPTEMBER 30, 2011

Meta-N’Pesh: You could make a really tiny forest, like broccoli and stuff.

Garos: Oh, that feels nice.
Kris: I like it when the Priest touches me.
Joanna: Insert inappropriate joke here.
Sean: You said insert.

Sean: This is a buttered slime mold you’re fighting.


Finding Deathwatchers

OCTOBER 14, 2011

Garos: It’s the Eye of Thoros, God of Mountains. [rolls 18 bluff]
Joanna: I believe the crap out of you.
Jared [GM]: You can roll sense motive.
[Kris and Joanna roll.]
Joanna: I believe the crap out of you!
Kris I believe the crap out of you!

Kris: I might be a grown-up but I’m not an adult.

Kris: But are the Shamans orcs?
Joanna: I don’t know!
Sean: But we rolled init for a reason!


The Theme Reappears

DECEMBER 2, 2011

Kris: Oooh. Pretty. [pause] Is it pretty?

Jared [GM]: Spidertron.
Kris: To go with the dire arachnogamelcorn?
Jared [GM]: Yes.
Joanna: From space!
Jared [GM]: Dire corrupted arachnogamelcorn from space!


The Return to Tavere

DECEMBER 23, 2011

Jared [GM]: I’ll say you can fletch four bolts per quill.
Sean: That was a good movie.
Jared [GM], Kris and Joanna: Four Bolts Per Quill?
Sean: Fletch.

The dire corrupted war arachnogamelcorn from space.

Garos: We’ll help you impregnate your women. Someone’s got to do it.


Re-Uniting the Tribe

JANUARY 13, 2012

Jared [GM]: They’re actually pretty good for farmland. The problem is when they get hungry, they eat the farmers.

Joanna: If there was a hallmark card…
Jared [GM]: “I’m sorry your pony was disemboweled.”
Sean: Sometimes life turns you inside out.


Another Return to Tavere

MARCH 16, 2012

[Lynx, the cat, hops into the empty chair]
Joanna: Roland has arrived!


The Destruction of the Goblins, Part 1

MAY 4, 2012

Jared [GM]: What a man does with his lightsaber is his own business.

Joanna: He probably wouldn’t be upset if he was alive.
Jared [GM]: It was a glorious death.
Joanna: He’d be like, “I died!”


The Destruction of the Goblins, Part 2

JULY 13, 2012

Joanna: I’m going first? With a 9?

Joanna: If I knew the quote I would say it but I don’t know it.


Heroes

SEPTEMBER 7, 2012

Kris: Who put the spike trap in a bag of holding? What thought this was a good idea?
Joanna: I wanted to save it for later.

Joanna: I’ll go look for Nathan. Not in a homicidal way.


Flindar, Destroyer of Mountains

SEPTEMBER 21, 2012

Kris: How big is a wagon and how big is a cart?
Joanna: Math is irrelevant to me.
Roland [holding up the Player’s Guide]: It’s also irrelevant to this.


And Back Home

NOVEMBER 16, 2012

N’Pesh: I think I want to sleep inside for a change.
Garos: Is that because you can’t find outside?


Onward to New Adventures

NOVEMBER 30, 2012

Garos: Is a mushroom like an alligator?


Into the Woods

MARCH 15, 2013

A winged dire corrupted war arachnogamelcorn from space.

[On locating whores]
Flindar: I don’t know who they are in this town.
N’Pesh: I don’t even know how to ask!
Flindar: I mean I always knew who they were. How do we tell?
N’Pesh: I know! How do they advertize?

Sean: I could hold a sword in my teeth.
Roland: Don’t lean your head back.
Sean: Aaigh!
Jared [GM]: [mimes a Joker grin]
Sean: Why so serious?

Garos: Do you want one that has a bath? They must have a bath in this town. I hear people like them.


New Friends

APRIL 19, 2013

Jared: When you wake up next she is dressing.
Joanna: Her wounds?

Winged dire corrupted war were-arachnogamelcorn from space


To the Temple

MAY 4, 2013

Meta-Garos: What we’re going to do is set the forest on fire and follow it through. Then it would be a plain. And I’d be more comfortable.

N’Pesh and Flindar: Why is the tree talking??


Werewolves

JUNE 21, 2013

N’Pesh: Lizards. Squirrels of the desert.

Nathan: I’m not really from there. I’m from…
Sean: Space

Joanna [As NPC werewolves]: Oh, Nathan, your feet are delicious.

Jared: I’m going to call these the wolves of attrition.

Kris: These are Sith wolves!
Joanna: The Sith wolves of attrition!

Jared: Turn him on Fundin.
Joanna: Turn him on, Fundin!
Sean: That’s why he was behind him.


New Inn, New Towns

JUNE 29, 2013

Fire-breathing winged dire corrupted war were-arachnogamelcorn from space

Sean: Can we sense motive on N’Pesh?

Jared: Garos runs into the stables and grabs his sword and runs away.
Joanna: Sense motive. 7.
Jared: There may be an attack!
Joanna: He can handle it.

Sean: The other one’s a pack of werewolves?

Flindar: We’re just on a quest to find an alligator.

Kris: Hey look we have a cup!
Joanna: Oh, soup.


The Quest to Shop

SEPTEMBER 30, 2013

Voice From Alley: Psst. Hey man, you want to sell that?
N’pesh: No.
VFA: You sure?
N’Pesh: Yes.
VFA: You want to buy something?
N’Pesh: Maybe.

Nathan: We’re going to lose him so quickly here.
Garos: We need a leash.
N’pesh: And we could probably have him design it!

Jared [GM]: He does have a squid, made out of obsidian.
Sean: It’s obsquidian!

Flindar: It’s like me if I was Fundin!


Once More to Tavere

APRIL 21, 2014

Sean: People can’t handle the Garos.

Richwell: That’s very noble of you.
N’Pesh: Occasionally.

Kris: It’s an even guess whether it’s that she’s half-naked or half-elven that’s causing Flindar’s troubles.

Garos: My heart is hungry.

Jared [GM]: Nathan’s got you beat. With his armor on, his move silently is -4.
Sean: What’s he wearing?
Jared [GM]: Hide.
Sean: Isn’t that ironic?

Kris: You’re gonna kill Joanna.
Jared: Laughter’s good medicine.
Sean: Brings up all the good humors.

Garos: So which way do we need to go besides south, east, west…

[Nathan gives Garos a ring.]
Meta-Nathan: Now that you’ve accepted my proposal…

Sean: Level 20 Barbarian seamstress.
Joanna: I keep breaking the needle and then I rage.

Kris: N’Pesh, our stableman.
Sean: Well, someone in this party has to be stable.

N’Pesh: We meet again *eye twitch* …cat.

Joanna: Oops, I left the dog on. You weren’t supposed to know about the dog.

Joanna: Except when you released the Zombie Plague.
Meta-Flindar: That was my cousin Charlie…And no one talks about that. You swore the Oath with the town, N’Pesh. You swore the Oath.

Garos: We should go to a town with cheaper whores.

Jared [GM]: CSI N’Pesh.

Jared: By Kris’ phone. It’s a spider. It’s that big.
Joanna: I welcome our new spider overlords.
Sean: I’ve brought you four sacrifices!

Garos: We still have to get the other one.
N’Pesh: She can walk.
Garos: The half-eaten dead one?


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