The Liberator Gaming Front

A Collection of Gaming Quotes

Star Fantasy

This is the longest running game I play in, so there are quotes going back literally over a decade, and closing in on two decades. I no longer have dates for everything, and often what dates I have are in game time, not real time. Some are quotes from before I joined the game, too. However, this is a pretty accurate listing of every quote everyone's ever given me for this game.

Everything is pretty much broken up by subject, or game session, as much as I could.

This is a Star Wars game, but it's not like any Star Wars game you've ever seen. For that matter, it's probably not like any game you've seen.





The Unknown Attribution Quotes

Dates Unknown

About Redemption: A mobile hive of wretched scum and villainy

That’s not a squad, that’s a squid.

Do you want some PCs with that?

Sith Cam: Free popcorn.

Oh no not again.

Here’s a morganti, don’t slip.

The Happy GM Dance.

Jet killed me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Deus Fett Machina

Talk to cats and rocks.

Do the cats have guns?

Force is what you get when you don’t have a blaster.

I can’t believe I don’t know where the Zocolo is.

Go to Hyper-stupid!

I thought you fixed the hyper-stupid drive!

The Kris and Brett show!

It’s a weird day. We’ll need more tea.

When in doubt, Tea.

We can hold the juice prisoner.

Fly schizophrenic.

Hey Jereth, how much radiation would it take to melt a cat?
Define melt.

We’re like the Fairies from Cinderella: Lucian, Xsol, and Rigel = Light, Medium, Dark. The Force Fairies.

If its pissing you off and you still have warm fuzzy feelings for it, you probably love it.

There’s some plot, let’s kill it!

We’re in the hallway. We like it in the hallway.

Garlon, what shape is your knife-throwing target?
Everyone: Sultran-shaped!


A Long Time Ago…

Dates Unknown

Mark or Shanti: I smell breakfast sounds.

Morgan: Are you now, or have you ever been, a mess sympathizer?

Tia [GM]: You were all supposed to go to a carnival!

Krogan: Put the Suessichord on.

Tia [GM]: The room smells like sex.
Ayvenar: Psychic surgery. That’s a new name for it.

Morgan: I want a death star.
Tia [GM]: Granted!
Everyone: [is horrified]
Tia [GM]: The game is over when a death star lands on Morgan’s head.

Ayvenar: What are you drinking?
Party Guests: Beer!
Ayvenar: What kind of beer?
Party Guests: HIS BEER!

Hawke: Ayvenar, will you marry me?
Ayvenar: Okay, that’s it. I’m putting away the wine.

Riki falls asleep. Everyone is talking, someone says, “Tetsuko’s servicing the droid.”
Riki [while waking up]: Well, sometimes a girl feels guilty using mechanical stimulation.

Hawke: How do you feel about children? No, Sith children.

Krogan: When somebody’s dead, we don’t set a place for them or anything.

Krogan: Oh, his ears are bleeding. Isn’t that cute?!

Morgan: It’s a bucket of maggots. I trust you to do the right thing.

Xsol: I cannot be missing a small blue glowing house. It would not fit in my pocket.

Tia [GM], to Mark: You don’t need a d20, you’re already fucked.

Morgan: Alderaani mate for life. My mate married someone else.

Jet: My learning curve is a speed bump

Xsol, about Macer: Psycho-tech boy who masturbates with tech.

Macer: Oh, sure, he can kill off your ex-husbands, but I kill off a few of your ex-boyfriends and I become a great evil.


Post-Twilight

Dates still unknown, but we're getting more into real game sessions here, not random notes and recollections

Dave: The hallmark of the young Gia, not the seductive Gia.

Tia [GM] to Brett: I’m trying to tally the number of cultural don’ts you did

Jereth: Dice! I like dice. Dice are your friends. [rolls] No they’re not.

Tia [GM]: Jet boffed Mark.
Shanti: And we all watched.

Jet: Jareth dumped his bike.
Tia [GM]: Is he okay?
Jet: He’s fine, he just can’t get it up.

Deaglan: Which page of the Corellian Sutra is that on?

Jet: Sew your flowers, broken-girl.

Jet: Just let him sniff it, he won’t eat it.
[Pharoah eats the cookie.]
Jet: I could be wrong.


From Zero to Poptarts

Dates Unknown

Damien: Mom, could you help me with Darth Vader?

Milo: You go from zero to poptarts in like, whoa.

Milo: I don’t know much about what’s going on, but I know there’s something wrong with Lucian’s brain.

Damien: Video killed the radio star — STAB

Kris: There’s gender all over the place!

Mark: This is not Iron Chef. This is Iron Stomach.

Lucian: Because I come from the Priest Planet of Purification.

Lucian: If you feed things, you need to walk them and take care of them.
Inara [To Rourke]: Do you need to be walked?

Pilar: And people wonder why I played this game without a body the last time.

Tia [GM]: Lucian, stop eating gummy squid.

Lucian: I’m going to [keep pouring the light side into Xsol] until I feel better.

Pilar: And Pocohantas is a Bad-Ass Force User.

Talia: Men are stupid. They have a broken chromosome. They can’t help it.
Xsol: [thinking] Men are stupid? And it’s linked to the Y chromosome? Could I alter that genetically? I could fix that! I could fix stupidity! … No, wait, that’s stupid. [out loud] “You’re using a metaphor, aren’t you.”


Admit It. You want a Catholic Couch.

Dates Unknown

Tia [GM]: Mark, what’s the last thing you remember?
Mark: Oh, God.
Kris: That’s going back a ways.

Mark: Close your eyes and smell the broken.

Mark: How many Solos’ last words were, “Hey guys, watch this!”

Tia [GM]: I’m joining you on the Catholic Couch.

Pilar: Just assume that I’m training to be a knight so I’m prepared for the next train wreck.

Kris: I need aport. I need to be able to aport tea.

Rigel: So most of your problems are genetic.

Lucian: Talia? Am I stuffy?
Mark: No, you’re more of a chew toy.

The collaborative effort of Jet, Mark, and Kris: This is a test of the Damn system. This is only a test. If this had been an actual Damning, there would have been cursing, followed by fire and brimstone. This concludes the test of the Damn system.


The Kava Mission

Dates Unknown

(Otherwise known as: One should not allow one’s GM to read certain kinds of romance novels before plotting the gaming session.)

Jet: It’s the Lucian and Xsol show! Otherwise known as Deaglan, sit your ass down.

Jet and Kris: The Lucian and Xsol show, brought to you by the number three!

Verek: When I signed up for a diplomatic mission, I wasn’t expecting a bikini wax.

Xsol: I go on a diplomatic mission, there’s a body count. I’m just saying.

Jet: You’re ow-ing my brain.

Jet: The Very Private Diary of Bobba Fett. “Dude! Did you see what he did?! I was like, Dude! But I was being all cool under my helmet, so no one saw. But I was all, like, whoa, Dude!”

Meta-Lucian: Normally I would kill you for saying such things, but we are mostly naked men on display, so I will overlook this offense.

Kris: Im in ur throne room, meltin ur wallz.

Rigel: Not even Jetta would eat this.

Cailin: Do you not have eyes??
Xsol: I had some in my soup.

Jet to Kris: Go assassinate someone and stop speaking.

Rigel: Because blasterfire = Fett = done.

Lucian: Did I tell him to stick his hand in the sun? Noooo.

Rigel: Hey Xsol, you’ve seen chain lighting? Wanna see it in reverse?
Xsol: Very nice.

Jettana: Well, I ain’t talkin’ about tentacles. I’m talking about life-drain. I’d thought you’d be better with that.

Jered: And look what I chose.
Xsol: Yeah, but you love me.

Tia [GM]: What IS it about the commanders of Phoenix?
Jet: And we’re three for three right now.

Mark: I made u a battle but I eated it.

Jet: We’re in ur banquet hall, owning ur planet.

Mark: I’m in ur house eatin’ ur cat.

Kris: We’re in ur head, talkin’ in stereo.


Shopping Therapy on the Wheel

Dates Unknown

Jet: Chapter 25, in which Lucian becomes a paintbrush.

Kris: I accept Fate of the Party. In the Candy Store.

Siyan: That’s why I’m a gemcutter. Because I like to stay clothed and in caves.

Rigel: Breakfast at this unholy hour? No wonder your order is in danger.

Lucian: It was not just a cup of coffee. It was enemy action.

Mark and Kris: SithTiVo!

Rigel: Don’t Corellian mothers teach manners?
Baezia: Yeah, we beat our children with sticks.

Jet: Her ghost story needs a ghost writer.

Jet and Kris: Whirrr-click.

Jet: Who put you in charge?
Tia [GM]: Damned if I know, demoted if I tell you.

Jet: I can go from whirr to click in three innuendos.

Tia [GM]: According to the nice gay man on TV, I’m about to make my garbage disposal smell nice.

Mark: There’s a bumper sticker: ‘My wife is on crack, and I vote.’

Jet: What do you want me to roll?
Tia [GM]: Percents.
Kris: Followed by a d20 and swearing.
Jet: Followed by a d20 and swearing…
Mark: The swearing is the important part.
Kris: Otherwise you haven’t had the full dice-rolling experience.

Mark: Error reading drive C: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fuckit.

Jet and Kris: Whirr-click-thud.

Jet: Where’s your damage?
Tia [GM]: Profound.
Jet and Kris: whirr-click
Kris: Thud.

Jet: I don’t need to know about the halfway point of your ass-stick.

Meta-Lucian: You you you…you not-light people suck.

Kris: I’m not a foodie. There’s only one kind of haute and that’s couture.
Pilar: I have many kinds of haute and they are all pleasurable.

Kris: Just imagine what you’ll go through when she starts dating.
Mark: Ammunition and Zantac

Jet: You’re bad art on my sofa.

Damien: I can’t hear my brain cells dying anymore.

Meta-Bens (or Meta-Tabbins): Jetta joined the Sith and I have to wear this Krii Noraan uniform.

Deaglan: Could you have an orgasm when I’m not inside?

Rilven: No need for anyone to be concerned with Security. We’re all extremely friendly happy people.

Lucian: What the hell’s the point of being a Life Mage if I can’t even fix the poor little blind kitten??

Meta-Jered: Why are there only 16 fish? Xsolthynir! Your cat is aporting and eating my fish!
Meta-Xsol: Our child, Jered.
Meta-Jered: YOUR child is aporting and eating MY fish!

Tia [GM]: Anything else anyone is doing on the Wheel before leaving?
Xsol: Packing. Lucian: Talia.

Mark: Survivor: LUCIAN!
Kris: The shoppping challenge takes out half your contestants. And the final round, you have to eat Lucian’s cooking.

Siyan [regarding the Jedi]: I don’t see how you can call it an Order. I find it to be an oxymoron.

Pilar: The University of Phoenix School of Jedi Mastery.

Jet: Let’s stop talking about Christianity and talk about Redemption.

Pilar: May I request my character sheet be printed out too? Because my dog destroyed it. Everyone: Your dog ate your homework?!

Jet: You bring out my best guppy instincts.


Of Ships and Libraries

Dates Unknown

Melissa: I thought, “Science Fiction, you can take it with you.”

Melissa: As long as my brain doesn’t get eaten, I don’t care.

Melissa: Sith NPR.

Tia [GM]: They tried to arrest her for…I can’t think of the word…traitorism.

Pilar: Look, she’s got detect bourgeoisie up!

Jettana: Ain’t you a little sane to be a Sangrefey?

Augusta: And you all appear to possess a modicum of intelligence.
Brett: Was that total? Or each?

Kris: What do you want to bet they found the only Sangrefey in existence who came out to the Rim to get away from the Prophecy of the Nexus?
Brett as Meta-Augusta: *mimes tossing something away* I hate this shit.

Meta-Augusta: She [Jettana] got into University on Scholarship.

Pilar: There’s something I need to expiate.
Brett: Doesn’t that open your pores?
Tia [GM] and Kris: That’s exfoliate.
Brett: I always get those confused.

Jet: You created an entire race of ass-stick people! That’s just what we need. “Where are you from?” “I’m from the planet of ass-stick people! It’s right next to the Priest Planet of oxen and bales of stuff.”

Pilar: Jered flies up and hits [the opposing player]. “Dishonor on your house!” Siyun follows, kicks [the opposing player] in the face. “Understand it is collective responsibility.”

Mark: Get a secure bay!

Rebel: So as long as I keep an eye out, my hands can go under her skirt?
Jettana: I don’t care where your hands go as long as you don’t miss anything incoming.
Rebel: I won’t miss anything incoming.

Mark: Remember, when you chop off the head of the snake, wait for the coils to stop writhing.
Brett: But it’s an Empire. It’s not a snake, it’s a hydra.

Tia [GM]: Godspeed. Mark: Goatspeed?
Kris: It’s the speed it takes gossip to propagate to all ends of the earth on Livejournal.
Tia [GM]: And it arrives all chewed up and eaten. That’s about right.

Mark: Imperial Emissaries with WWJD bracelets: What Would Jhantor Do?

Pilar: No No No! It looks like you have the G-Word! NO! I TAKE IT BACK! NO NO NO! I TAKE IT BACK!

Rigel: This is a flavor of disturbing I had not previously enjoyed.

Lucian: Why, were you thinking of switching sides?
Rigel: I must admit, at times the thought has crossed my mind and I shudder.

Kris: Yay Arcane Crafting!
Mark: The Tome of Crafting Arcana.

Baezia: So you’re a Ninja Jedi?

Meta-Lucian: Did he just throw me under a bus to preserve his relationship?
Meta-Xsol: I think he did. Here, have more popcorn.

Pilar: I’m distracted by puppies. And college. And tentacles.

Mark: I still think if they’re going to issue these weather alerts from Taunton, MA, they should issue us tauntauns.

Deaglan: Idle hands make ships.

Jet: I should be more scared than I am, but hey, percocet.

Jet: Now they’re playing strip darts.

Kris: His ship gets more action than he does.

Jet: Notice his name is Grant? That’s the first part of Granted.

Kris: I’m mumbling knitting instructions: k1, ssk, k to last 2, k2tog, k1. It’s my arcane. I’m casting an incantation. At the end I’ll hopefully have a mouse.

Meta-Rigel: I is teh Evil.


We’ll Need More Tea

Dates Still Unknown

Jet: Back at the ranch, Grandma was beating off the Indians, and Jim went to help!

Kris: There’s no reason to assume I’m not a Jedi.
Jet: Until you open your mouth.

Jim: What’s happening?
Melissa: I don’t know. All I know is my Scottish blood is oozing slime on Pilar even now.

Melissa: Are there any guidelines or traditions on how one names their talking library?

Melissa: The Dewey Decimal System is my bitch!

Pilar: And I thought being a gemcutter was geeky.
Kris: I’m a sculptor.
Melissa: I don’t make anything but unusual card catalogs.

Jet: It’s word-free. No, wait. I might know it.
Jim: Warning! Warning! Word incoming!
Jet: Got it. Never Mind.
Jim: Word aborted.
Melissa: Meanwhile, back in our brains…

Augusta: Ah. I see we’re back to the mockery angle here.

Jet: Do we have *69 on our com units?

Kris: Be better than the little people.
Melissa: The little people are all higher level than me. They can kill me with an eyeblink.
Kris: [pause] Now that’s a reputation.
Melissa: No, that’s math.

Kris: I don’t want to eat Joshua either. Palpatine, now, we all know my love is so wrong.

Jet: I wanted to keep it all to myself, so I took sausage and rubbed it on every piece of zucchini. There was sausage-zuchinni sex.

Kris: Well, it is the size of a small moon.
Tia [GM]: The Death Star does not fit in our refrigerator.

Tia [GM]: We’re in a sea of vaguely conscious people.
Mark: You’re in a sea of vaguely conscious people. What do you do?

Mark: It’s an interesting explanation of how your subconscious works.
Meta-Xsol: Great, ’cause there’s a place I need to go.

Jet: She may be a mystic but she’s not a philosopher.

Kris: I can has hentai now.
Mark: I made you a hentai but I eated it.

Mark: Scenery that talks back.
Meta-Lucian: Interactive scenery. We call those friends.

Tia [GM]: Clearly the Jetta and Xsol Show equals trouble and drinking.

Kris: We’re up to Preventative Tea.

Jet: I just wanted you to know the depth of my horror. All this and I’m out of tea.

Xsol via link to Jered: Tell Lucian I thought he was right.
Lucian [surprised]: What?

Tia [GM]: And taboos were included.
Kris: No, just the booze.

Jet: I’m making the Strike Team Phoenix hackysack.
Kris: Because you’re sick and twisted and wrong.
Jet looks upset.
Kris: In the good way!

Jet: Could we get T’han a tshirt that says, “I’m not late, I’m temporally-disabled.”?

Jet: Black. My heart is black. From the entropy that is rotting my heart away.
Melissa: Oh come on. The entropy is not rotting your heart. You are reveling in the entropy.

Melissa: Are you saying I take naturally to being a Sith Librarian with a stick up my ass?

Jet: It’s a benevolent, good kind of evil.


Grainne’s Day

Dates Unknown

Lucian: We’re playing a practical joke.
Ara Rose: On who?
Xsol and Lucian: Everyone.

Meta-Jettana: Graine’s Day. What, were you bored??
Meta-Xsol: Yes.
Meta-Lucian: The women were clothes shopping.
Meta-Jettana: You were actually bored?! You people made up a holiday because you were bored?! You people got bored and now I have to celebrate this??

Kris: Fight amongst yourselves, married people.

Lucian: Magic Store. I understand the Magic Store.

Jet: Jello molds in Pooh bowls may wriggle more.

Lucian: This must be what planetary conquest feels like.

Tia [GM] as a Meta-NPC-chef: You can build a fire pit or you can build an oven large enough to roast a pig. Work it out.

Jettana: So I can stop looking for a pig?

Jet: I am Xsolthynir, the fox-headed Redeemer.

Lucian: From now on, we will call you Xsolthynir the Redeemer. There may need to be a holiday.
Xsol: No. No Holidays. [looks at Lucian] NO, Lucian, no holiday. No.
Lucian: Fine, no holiday. [pause] We’ll have a Holy Week.
Xsol: [facepalm]

Tia [GM]: What? I realize your character is speaking softly…
Kris: You’ve been waiting years to say that, haven’t you.

Kris: This weekend has been brought to you by the BBC.
Jet: It really has. There’s no doubt in my mind any more.

Jet: New Holiday Menu for 20 people: 700 credits.
12 Holiday gift baskets for children: 1000 credits.
Spend all day shopping with family: 2500 credits.
Jettana searching the Black for a pig? Priceless.
Kris: There’s some things credits can’t buy. For everything else, there’s a Saldana Credit Line.

Jet: Just put the sectors on the table and we’ll deal with them later.

Jered: This is my smiling face.
Xsol: Don’t do that.

Meta-Jettana: As scary as that is, I’d rather screw the squid than eat the bugs.

Justin: Are you part of the soup group?

Jettana: Your silly taboos are blockades in the line of artistic progress.

Meta-Xsol: I need to get Jettana into a black box.

Jettana: That’s what I always wanted to be – locked in a black box with a pissed off Skywalker.

Jettana: Xsol’s gonna get people shooting at me! What have you got to offer, Jered?
Jered: I’ll shoot you.
Jettana: You already have.

Kris, quoting Jered: And look what I chose.
Meta-Jered (Tia [GM]): Have you seen my beloved-thing?
Meta-Jered (Kris): No, really, I need to know what tey’s up to.

Lucian: There, I can say three words and hang up too. “It is done.” “Thanks a lot.”


A Few Extra Random Quotes

Dates Unknown

Talia: Darling, come to bed with me.
Lucian: I can do that.
Talia: I know. We have six children to prove it.

Jettana: Apparently, when I move out of all black, I’m all bad.

Justin: Ooh! Meat-on-a-stick! It’s like a lollipop…for Magi.

Kris: So we’re having an open rush?

Lucian: That is my wife. There are my kids. This is my floating drink. Fuck off.

Lucian: If there’s statuary involved, I’ll stay in a coma.

Jet: Well, the floor is yours.
Tia [GM]: Yeah, the cat left.

Meta-Lucian: I’m not going to bother with Sith-cam. I’m going w/coma-cam.

Meta-Xsol: I do in fact have a learning curve. Unlike most of Phoenix.

Jet: It’s going to become a pop band — Girda In Stasis

Brien: Okay, you’re important. You get to be annoying.

Kris: T is for Tia.
T is for Talia.
T is for Tindalo.
Meta-Lucian: T is for Toreador.
T is for Torpor.
T is for Torch. (Everything burns.)
Kris: But tea is NOT for Raithe.
Tia [GM]: And tea is not for Shiba.

Meta-Xsol: See if I ever channel sunlight through your time anchor again.

Meta-Lucian: I didn’t know you were a real Janissary, Xsol.
Meta-Xsol: As opposed to what?
Meta-Lucian: A force-Janissary.

Dave: Roll 50, it’s the only way to be sure.

Jetta: Suck pain, Katana-girl.

Jetta: Pop goes the Sith Lord.

Talia: We have raised stupid children.

Jet: “Note to self: Remap the ship again.”

Shanti: Jedi dog-walking area. Please aport after your dog.

Jereth: Saving the universe from the Sith, one marriage at a time.

Kris: Love Advice from Lucian and other horror stories.

Dave: If the GM didn’t hear it, it never happened.

Meta-Lucian: Why are you [Xsol] buying a bantha herd three bantha at a time?

Jet and Kris: We’re on ur planet, changin ur religion.

[Panicked Jedi coms Sylva]
Sylva: Yes, yes, Jedi Slump. Where?
Jedi: ??
Sylva: Jedi fell down. Boom. Won’t wake up, yes?
Jedi: Um, yes!
Sylva: Jedi Slump. Where??


Just Another Day on Redemption

Dates Unknown; however, I believe these are sometime in the summer of 2008

Raithe: I don’t know what just happened. Apparently I was emo and dead.

Jettana: That will also be the end of you doing anything special, like breathing.

Jettana: …behind it is Palpatine.
Pharoah: Meow!
Jet: Yes, Palpatine!
Pharoah: Meow!

Drunk!Talia: Jedi lie all the time. Sith tell the truth.
Drunk!Jettana: You figured it out! Do you know why?
Drunk!Talia: Because the truth is horrifying.
Drunk!Jettana: Because the truth hurts more.

Kris: Cups aren’t people.
Jet: My damage is deep and profound.
Kris: but that has nothing to do with cups not being people.
Jet: They sing and dance in Disney.
Kris: … I have no answer for that.

Adrian: I’m not sure what Uncle Jered likes.
Jet: Uncle Jered likes Xsolthynir.
Kris: Well, while I may be tasty, I’m not exactly nutritious.
Jet: TMI
Tia [GM]: You asked for that one.

Xsol: Perhaps it’s a talent you get when you become Commander of Phoenix. You suddenly can no longer make coffee.

Damien: If anyone would like to come down in half an hour and watch me fly a Sith Infiltrator they’re welcome to.
Jet: Thank you, that’s very kind.
Damien: I’m sure all the Sith present would enjoy it. Which means all of you.

Kris: You spoke. Why are you speaking??
Jet: I opened my mouth.
Kris: You’re still speaking. Stop that. Stop speaking!
Jet: Blah.
Tia [GM]: Stop speaking or I’ll open my mouth.
Jet: Granted.
[PAUSE]
Jet: I always wanted to do that.

Outside: Thunder
Kris: That was the freighter that hit Talia.

Xsol: My child is starving and there are no bonus bunnies. What’s up with that??

Tia [GM]: It is now a quarter to one.
Jet: Ah, I should do something about that.

Meta-Xsol: Thanks SO much, Jettana. I’m going to have to put bonus bunnies in your bed.
Meta-Jettana: I get bonus bunnies? W00t! [pause] What’s a bonus bunny? …Is it pink?!

Jettana: It’s like..Justin-pink.

Jet: If Bib Fortuna has a baby, would that be a Baby Bib Fortuna?

Tia [GM]: Your destiny is in your hands.
Meta-Xsol: Thank God I can see the future.

Jet and Kris: In ur base camp, exploding your floor!

Kris: And Team B blows itself up in the first ten minutes! No one had a bet in on THAT!

Jalees: No, you think like Jettana. That makes you useful. You might be able to figure this out.
Xsol: Okay, we are not going to expect me to deconstruct Jettana’s thinking.

Tia [GM]: Talia would really like to take Jered.

Meta-Xsol: Of course she would, but she has to stay with Lucian, Jered is mine.

Jet: So what is Cor’s team doing? Besides trying to get ‘et’?

Jettana: Jalees has a team following her. Cor…has a bunch of people following him ’cause they ain’t been told they can leave yet.


And Then There Were Vampires…

Dates...Probably in 2010, but Not Really Known

Rigel: My report card in Sith School all came back: “Does not play well with mystics.” Mother was so disappointed.

Jetta: They. Zex.
Rigel: Got nothing.
Jetta: Hellfire.
Rigel: Them I got.
Jetta: Hellfire.

Jetta: D’ya need ta stay here?
Rigel: This room? I hope not.
Jetta: You were bright a minute ago.

Jet [GM]: So do you want your answers?
Kris: For?
Jet [GM]: Lucian and Shade.
Kris: Oh, yes.
Jet [GM]: Great. Is there a bathroom on this floor?
Kris: … what?

Xsol: But at the time I thought I was arguing with a delusion for Race’s benefit…that’s not reassuring to anyone in this room, is it.

Nico: Are you illegally in this country? This country that I love?

Jet [GM]: To the best of your knowledge does Rilven have any unfinished issues?
Dave: You’re asking what issues Rilven has??

Dave: 30.
Jet [GM]: What is that, percents?
Keith: D20.

Dave: When I see that, I give the poisonous puke somewhere to go.

Jet [GM]: It was a really good suicide, wasn’t it?

Rilven: I know where stasis box three is. I’ve been there before. I think I’ve been in there before.

Kris: And if you stop being Lir, can you promote me?
Lir: How much money do you have?
Xsol: How much money do you want?
Lucian: OH NO YOU DON’T! I will cancel your credit line!

Kris: You belong in the folder of prophecies. Don’t breed.

Mark: It’s Hellion Sith Vitamin Water.

Kris: I always like to know what Fett is doing so I don’t interfere.
Dave: Yes but it is my job to interfere.
Kris: That’s because you’re Red Security and I’m a security risk.

Rilven: They have stuff. We can kill them and take it.
Nico: As a Master Jedi, I have to object.
Rilven: Well consider that they are corrupt, evil, and have been a threat to the Jedi Master.
Nico: Good enough. Let’s go.

Rilven: Closet habitable planet?
Rebel: Um….um…we’re in the Black! Closest planet – Mandalore.

Dave: These are not my dice which are trained for this game.

Keith: We’re decelerating to full speed.

Rilven: Power?
Tabbins: Yes.
Rilven: Start feeding the broomstick.

Joshua: What have they done with their Jedi Master? She’s no where to be found.

Jet [GM]: He’s not hungry, he’s just helping!

Jet [GM]: Why do I have two Erics? Oh I see why. Nothing to do with reality.

Jet [GM]: You have 69 ½ more days of ritual to complete.

Rilven: I’m trying to sleep here, you’re panicking, you’re not being useful.

Rilven: Come along, we’re helping Krii Noraan against Mandalorians.
Deaglan: Do I have to?

[After Myles convinces ancient templars he’s the Archangel Michael]
Kris: Best use of a lightsaber EVER.

Dave: I’m killing time.
Meta-Xsol: How are you doing that? Stop that!
Meta-Rilven: Morganti. It’s like fire.

Dave: Deaglan Solo!
Brett: But I didn’t want to be a cliché!

Rebel: Well kicking her in the head will offend the squid, and then the squid will offend your head.

Rose: They keep saying repair. I think, replace.

Brandi: One upside. He’s very clean.


A Little Time Shift and…

Dates Unknown

Jet [GM]: I don’t know. They sleep on mine, they lick Mark’s. I want to revise this sentence.

Jet [GM]: Jetta’s screaming, Rigel’s singing. This will be cracked in minutes.

Greg: You will get better soon.
Kris: Why?
Greg: Because I’m going to girlify this room.

Brett: So Saldana has always been…?
Jet [GM]: Apparently.
Brett: Self-important fucker.

Keith: I was thinking this puts a whole new dynamic in the whore/pimp relationship.

Baezia: I’d get religious real fast if that was my preisthood.

Rigel: Maybe no would be a good time to …player blanking on band manager’s name.
Jet [GM]: [stares]
Keith: GM blanking on band manager’s name.

Rayne: What do you need Liam for? You’re aware he’s nuts, right?
Myles: I’m aware of his problems.
Rayne: Oh I’m sure you aren’t.

Brett: Tea needs mug.

Brett: Look a handy bus!
[Brett mimes Myles tossing Rayne under the bus.]

Medtech: How much?
Myles: 3x a wookie’s
Mark: [singing] Once… twice… three times a wookie….

Myles: Are you up for a jaunt to sector 6?
Deaglan: That’s a long trip. Why?
Myles: Saving a Jedi.
Deaglan: …which one?

Brett: [Meta-Rose]: There’s no profit in black holes.

Rose: There’s a black hole over our heads!!

Deaglan: If the cats are any indication, try to stay as neutral as possible.

Myles: Look, pre-chewed.
Deaglan: Good luck with that.

Rigel: Pain St – I don’t have pain stop. Shit.

Joshua: Very well Rigel. You are promoted. You are a useful creature today.

Joshua: And one thing I have learned. Jedi are far more brutal than any Sith.

Joshua: You are useful to me today, Rigel. What has come over you?
Kris: It was good sex.

Amya: I give it about three hours before he kills a Jedi.
Eric: What a great line to walk in to.

Laurel: Apparently, he’s happier poisoned.

Laurel: I’m going to go have a coffee and then have a nervous breakdown. Would you like to join me?

Keith: This place is a total wreck. People are down, no one is doing anything useful, and I’m wearing sunglasses. …hit it.


The Return of Morgan

Date...Waiting on Scott to Tell Me

Rourke: Great, all the years at the Academy, all the years I’ve served, and a Jackal from another dimension says I’m a Jedi.

Mark: 69.
Jet [GM]: Dude!
Jet [GM]: Somewhere on Redemption, Bens just went “Whoa.”

Fett: Acceptable.
Brett: Not really.

Rose: Rebel says Delphi says Gemini says Xsol, Novacek, Rigel, and Boba Fett are there helping because it might be Sangrefey.

Rose: I am explaining to Rebel he’ll need to wait. There is a Myles.

Deaglan: Rebel needs to understand people find out things even if he doesn’t want them to.

Deaglan: I’m going to be driving blindfolded soon.
Rose: Oh good. I look forward to this. We’re going to die.

Jet [GM]: Most of the Shining Host are taller than little Chinese men.

Meta-Vale: I was perfectly fine worshipping them from afar. This is not afar. This is a-close.

Xsol: Chocolate would have been more fun.

Morgan: I probably shouldn’t go in saber-active, even though Laurel’s going to kill me.

Rose: Go fix the Sith. Be nice to the Sith so they’ll give me engines. I don’t care if you bomb them from the air once I’m off the planet, but go fix the Sith and GET ME ENGINES! This is not politeness this is BUSINESS!

Stormy: It’s Sith. Sour has the same number of letters.

Unknown: NASA – geeks with rockets entertaining geeks who wish they had rockets.

Deaglan: I’m not exactly expecting miracles, but I am expecting engines at the end of it.

Jet [GM]: *mimes putting lightsaber under chin* If I put the lightsaber right here and press the button, I’ll never know what happened.
Morgan: You’d be surprised what you can live through.

Jet [GM]: You’re underestimating your regimentals. If you say, “This building is falling down,” 500 Sith students will lean on it so it doesn’t fall in your presence.

Rilven: I have no idea how lesbian works when you have no gender.
Deaglan: Me either, but I’m sure there’s vid on it.

Deaglan: How many of them would have a heart attack if the engines stalled as we took off?

Brett: Well you are in Corellian orbit. You might as well raise him Corellian.


Roll Percents

Date Unknown. I know, I know, You'd Think I Could Figure It Out by Now! I Bet You Think I Have No Dates. Ever.

Jet [GM]: You open stasis box number five and you immediately see the problem.
Kris: Yes, he’s missing his head.

Morgan: I remember my first death scream. It was Leia. I tilted my head to the side, went urk, and fell face-first into the fire, starting my wife on a book-burning habit.

Scott: Great. Hitting on the casualties.

Deaglan: We need to label those boxes better.
Rose: That one should have said, “Psychic suicide bomber. Please do not open.”

Scott [As Jet]: A large spherical object is rapidly descending towards Morgan’s head. How would you all like to play yahtzee?

Scott: I told her I’m going to medical, now I feel like I’ve been sent to my room.

Jet [GM]: Roll percents.
Kris: 56%.
Jet [GM]: D20.
Kris: 10.
Jet [GM]: D6.
Kris: D6? What? There are D6s in this game? Really? …really??

Latia: I have a present for you.
Morgan: Uh oh.

Rose: Deaglan! There’s a sith interceptor behind me! I do not like that silhouette behind me!

Greg: Mistake #1 – You let your inanimate objects talk.

Chess: (very stilted) Tell me about your adventure. Tell me how you dipped a ship in methane.

Scott: Listen man, we can get you a great deal on slavegirls, just don’t ask where the shoes went.

Vale: I have a fantastic plan.
Kris: First, we buy them shoes.

Damien: So does that mean they are sending the girls to a ped-ophile?


Hate Will Make You Strong

Date...Possibly April, 2011. HAH! You Thought I'd Never Get to Dates, Didn't You!

Jet [GM]: Okay, Brett and his attitude have arrived.

Kris: I did not mean to drug the GM with a dinosaur.

Jet [GM]: They’ve developed space ice fishing.

Kris: This is what we call Browsing: The Musical.

Tavi: Shortcuts shouldn’t include lectures.

Deaglan: Well fluids are really hard to aport.

Brett: I’m cleaning my ship, I can’t look at other women.

Brett: That’s how we caught Vampires in space.

Vale: I was promised lingerie. I’m looking at Deaglan. This was not in the deal.

Kris: I’m a little over-sugared.

Morgan: We could tell you were tired and needed to sleep, that’s why you named her Sofa.

Stormy: You’re a Sithy type, aren’t you?
Mark: What was your first clue?
Stormy: That.

Kris: I hate you. I hate you all. I’m going to go down to Secure Bay and hate with Jhivaro.

Stormy: My pet rock hates me.

Jet [GM]: Rigel, you have very keen powers of – what the fuck is that??

Mark: Sari is subtle like a turd in a punchbowl.

Meta-Nova: Yeth Mathsther. I’m a Thith Athathin.

Crystal: Abominable Ewok!!

Morgan: Banshee, thin-sliced with schmear.

Mark: Nothing’s better than true love. Except a BLT: Banshee Lettuce and Tomato.

Scott: I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

Mark: Come here baby let me give you a hot nanite injection.

Jet [GM]: What’s your psi – never mind.
Scott: What’s your psi rating? Comyn. What’s your force rating? Skywalker.

Janim: You’re talking about killing off something I’m looking at. That would annoy me.

Mark: Short fuzzy power behind the throne.

Kris: I have three more words.
Dami: ‘Screw you Morgan.’ That’s three words.

Scott: It was sitting over there in this corner saying, “Does this nebula make me look fat? This nebula makes me look fat.”

Mark: Does that mean the planet suffers from incontinence?
Jet [GM]: Someone smack that boy.
Roberto: I don’t know him well enough.
Kris: I think that pun means you do now.
Jet [GM]: He’s in an Irish band.
Kris and Jet [GM]: And he’s the drummer.
Roberto: *hits Mark*

Crystal: I love you dumb.

Jenna: Hasn’t it occurred to you that no is also an answer?
Morgan: Yes it is.

Kris: I’d high-five you, but you’re painting your nails.

Jet [GM]: You should have learned Darkovan, you dork. Scott: Why? Kris: So you could woo Laurel in her native tongue.

Scott: All the Shadows are going, ‘I spent all my points on offense not ice skating!’

Meta-Morgan: See Chess, this is why we don’t let you fight in combat – the sudden grooming breaks.

Garlon: Well, the stuff that comes aboard that’s dead, I can’t stabilize that. Well, actually, that’s pretty stable.


The GM Is Always Right

Dates Unknown. I know, I know, I'm sorry!

Scott: I am Max Skywalker Kenobi. This is a public service announcement. Don’t climb out of your ship without a suit. Or you could end up like me.

Jet [GM]: Well you shed emo.

Jet [GM]: Over there at the wall is Max. You can’t tell if he’s pissed or disgusted.
Morgan: Fix that.

Rigel: I can kill with sexual frustration from here.

Jet [GM]: Awesome. I don’t know the speed of Redemption.

Jet [GM]: First action.
Scott: Parry.

Dami: Star Fantasy – we do it ships.

Jet [GM]: I’m the GM. I’m right. Until Kris tells me I’m wrong.

Scott: Relax.
Lucian: I’m relaxed.
Scott: I meant the GM. Right now Lucian reminds me of an aquarium plant. ‘I’m…relaxed…’

Kris: Yay squishy people.

Jettana: Have we figured out anything about their biology?
Xsol: Ah, we have, very, no.

Deaglan: That means it’s not bad news since you could describe, ‘and Redemption blew up.’

Nova: And we can spend years wondering how long they were tormented before their demise.
Brett: This is the difference between Mandalore and Corell. Mandalorians will angst and wonder for years. Corellians will lay bets.

Jet [GM]: There’s an outgoing Nova peg, and an incoming Deaglan peg.
Mark: Law of conservations of pegs. Got it.

Baezia: Oh, you’re being all enigmatic or drummer stupid at me, I can’t tell.

Kris: I love my friends. I love you all. I’m glad you’re my friends.
Stormy: I can’t speak for the rest but I’m just using you.
Kris:…I’m writing that down.
Jet [GM]: You made me snarf rice you asshole.

Roberto: I already have head.

Roberto: *steals Dami’s seat*
Kris: Stay Roberto. I approve. You can now stay in this game.
Roberto: I was going to move, but if this gets me into the game, I’m not moving.

Joshua: Enough time has passed that he has found himself a cheap little floozy, dragged her all over the Zocolo, and bedded her on the holonet. Clearly he has time that you can buy him a beer.

Roberto: I freeze in case his vision is based on movement.

Frost: Darlin’, who’s your daddy?

Jet [GM]: This won’t mean anything to Roberto. Frost is Kamikaze.
Dami: Yeah he’s sneaky.
Scott: You thought you had your virginity.

Deaglan: I’m not leaving you, Lucian, don’t ever leave me.

Scott: Lucian just took a dump in your hood.
Mark: Better in than on.

Mark: We’re just going to put these binders on you. …Tabbins is going to put these binders on you.

Nova: I want to hate people!

Roberto: Now they’re a team and they’re unstoppable. Wedding planners, but unstoppable.

Roberto: Just walk by trailing a cloak, let them touch you. Be Healed!
Meta-Xsol: When I try that, they tell me I have a bad bedside manner. Whatever.

Roberto: May I have a rainbow popsicle?
Kris: Please.
Robeto: May I have a rainbow popsicle please?


The Macer Books

Dates Unknown. Possibly Stolen by Zex

The Macer Books, by Kris and Jet

“I can see the yellow-spined book…on the dark cover is Macer, in armor, helmet off, holding a saber and a flashlight, the typical ‘look of horror’ on his face. The flashlight beam falls across a horrible demon face and one clawed hand looming from the dark of the staircase…dramatic friends in positions of recoil in the the background.”
Macer and the Demon.
Macer and the Hunter’s Guild.
Macer and the Missing Helmet.
Macer and the Oathbound Sith.
Macer and the School in Space.
Macer and the Mysterious Ship.
The Case of the Haunted Stasis Box.
Macer and the Disappearing Tetsuko.
Macer and the Family Vacation.


Rigel’s Secret Diaries

Date Unknown.

The Very Secret Diaries of a Sith Drummer:

(By Kris, Jet, and Mark)

Day One:

Dear Diary,
Cute musician girlfriend caught on to Sith gig. V. confused. Hate this part. Will miss hot sex. V. Annoyed. Maybe can play dumb. Am drummer after all.

Day Two:

Dear Diary,

Cover story lame. Cute girlfriend V. baffled. Should have mind-wiped her — much more Sithy. V. clumsy, most annoyed.
Definately won’t get hot band sex now. Sigh. Hate band, hate job, hate mindwipes.

Day Three

Dear Diary,

Cover story worked! Got hot band sex. V. pleased with self. Good Sith.
Still not god.

Day Four

Dear Diary,
New cover story given. Now cute girlfriend thinks am Secret Ninja-Jedi. Hot band sex guaranteed. V. pleased.
Still not god, but damn.

Day Five

Redirected violence at dinner. V. Sithy. Go me. Hot band chick putty in my hands. Am now secret ninja jedi band manager.
Soon will be god.


Meeting Zhang

Dates Unknown. What else did you expect by now?

Dami: You know what? I’ve realized something utterly important.
Roberto: No you haven’t, but go ahead.

Zhang: What is that?
Frost: Jedi.
Zhang: ALL of them??

Roberto: Are you making friends with the Krii Noraan?
Scott: No, I already did that. Now I’m making friends with the vampire.
Roberto: That bothers me less somehow.


Nova and Xsol’s Wedding

Date Unknown

Mark: The house wins.
Kris: Fatality.
Scott: His profit margin is falling! Finish him!

Roberto: That’s what happens when a telepath forgets his name. Everyone else does too.

Scott: Passion leads to children. Children lead to anger. Anger leads to…

Kris: My god. He’s flaming. He’s flaming right there in the restaurant. Thank goodness the mandalorian cultural bias means they can’t even conceive of this.
Dami: He set his stick on fire! He’s flaming from his stick!

NPC: Asshole!
Zhang [Jedi Mind Trick]: You don’t think I’m an asshole.

Mark: It’s the perfect gift. It’s a small pot for melting chocolate which comes with a set of small weapons.

Dami: Isn’t she Isadorable?

Xsol: Well we do have a potential catastrophe coming up.
Dora: Oh good.

Morgan: Better slaves! Go with your crystal set!
Dami: Now they have shoes!

Xsol: I realize I’m not one of your instructors in…
Kris: I’ve lost a word. You know. The opposite of surveillance. Hiding yourself.
Scott: Stealth.
Kris: Yes! Stealth.

Jet [GM]: We’re all looking at you, we all heard you; are you done now?
Dami: Eeep.

Rourke: Sit down. Try not to touch anything.
Roberto: I float two inches above the floor.

Roberto: Did the cat just forget the direction of gravity?

Meta-Morgan: OMG the old lady’s head exploded! Fix that.

Macer R.: Azukeens know how to not cook fish.

Meta-Garlon: I know where my goods are.

Mark: Through hardships untold I have fought my way here
Kris: To kick your ass
Mark: To kick your ass and take back the child you have stolen

Jet [GM]: You know it’s addictive
Kris: What, tea?
Roberto: What, being GM?

Meta-Shyam: That’s the sushi chef! I’d know her anywhere!

Jet [GM]: Don’t you bite me while I’m petting you. I’ll smack you so hard next Thursday will look like your friend.
Dami: Is that in character?
Kris: I assure you Nova would never say that to Xsol.
Scott: And Thursday isn’t canon.

Jet [GM]: Everybody, share what your costumes are.
Dami: Medical patient.

Scott: You’ve heard the pregnant phrase: peeing for two? Jet’s peeing for thousands.
Jet [GM]: And one badger.

Scott: Would you like a delivery mechanism, like Stormy.

Lucian: Think about a purple rubber ducky.
Xsol: Why?
Lucian: Because it’s not time.

Scott: And he’s a Jedi Priest. He’s a fossil apostle.

Scott [Meta-Tariq]: Bless me father, I intend to sin.

Xsol: Okay?
Tariq: Okay.
Xsol: Ready?
Tariq: No.

Jenna: Oh gosh she’s going to have a romance at some point.
Morgan: With a dashing AI vessel.
Jenna: I’m okay with that.

Jenna: Oh. Corellian. No we’ll discuss it later.
Roberto: 3…2…1…

Meta-Brandi to Dami: When I need your opinion, I’ll stick it in your head and make you say it.


Rescuing Nova’s Brother

No One Cares About Dates Anymore

Rigel: Camille is an infiltrator…all stealthy and shit.

Kris: There is no GLADOS. There is only
Kris and Mark: Zuul!
[Kris and Mark high-5]
Mark: Why am I high-fiving you? That isn’t better.

Scott: I’m so tempted to say it.
Jet [GM]: What?
Scott: I’m Morgan Skywalker. I’m here to rescue you.
Kris: Aren’t you a little tall to be a Skywalker?


The Teirfon Mission

Time is All Relative Anyways

Xsol: I’m concerned it would be disrespectful to loot the tomb.
Jenna: We’re taking the cat.
Xsol: That’s different; the cat’s alive.
Jenna: And the lightsabers have each other? Is that your argument?

Roberto: Get your pick of the birthday people!
Scott: Pick of the birthday people! I pick Kris!
Kris: I pick Scott!
[Scott and Kris hug]
Kris: Oh, Stormy.
Scott: Oh, Kris.
Jet [GM]: Oh, God.

Kris: The only Ewok to pass the tests to get into Avenging Angel. Yo-yo was so proud.
Roberto: Yub, yub, bitch.

Frost: You don’t haggle with the Jedi Master.
Zhang: You don’t haggle with a Sith Lord! Or a Sith Assassin! Or a head of a house! He’s like three things you don’t haggle with!

Zhang: I’m sorry officer. The Force made me do it.

Kris: I’m taking the historically-significant cat.

Scott: Ah. 54. Two off from my magic number.
Roberto: Would you care to lie to the GM?

Mark: While we’ve been talking about it the guy in the sarcophagus went from mostly to sorta dead.

Kris: I’m very sorry I didn’t walk into the trap that was prepared for me.
Mark: Me too.

Zhang: Fine. Have a tantrum. He’s Sith, your dad will be proud.

Jet [GM]: I think Rigel is in the worst position and has the best solutions.

Jael: Who thought taking T’Korren’s ship was a good idea?
Rigel: T’Korren.

Joshua: Under the current circumstances…
Kate: I’ll let you live?

Jet [GM]: She did grant you your fondest wish. She granted you the ability to see the Dark!

Mark: We need to start a Damien Spank Bank.
Mark’s computer: woohoo!

Scott [To Mark]: I got it up and realized I didn’t have you on it.

Crystal: Papa I don’t want to be 10 anymore.
Scott: Well I got news for you, kid. The GM’s planning to make you 9 when the Tsunami hits. You should have been more specific.

Jenna: Try not to let our son get possessed with anything else.

Meta-Xsol: I’m so glad I’m having sex and don’t know about this.

Scott: Carrying the entire contents of a liquor store home. I am where the liquor’s gone.

Nova: I am instructed to convey a hug. By hugging you.


Thousands of Years and Two Days Later

Okay, Fine. You'd Think I'd Know the Dates Because of When Roberto Joined. Right? Right. But Sometimes We Skip Months! Some Months Have No Quotes! So I Can't Just Start Counting From There.

Zhang: I don’t know if you know what didn’t happen a few days ago.

Mark: It’s your fault Rokie is a verb.

Kris: Rigel’s not petty. It’s very obvious. He’s Bowie.

Kris: Tea keeps reappearing. It’s been nice.
Jet [GM]: For you maybe.
Roberto: For the tea it’s been horrid.


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Senate

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

Zhang: I’ve got a squid strapped to my back, I’m trying to keep them alive! I’ll deal with nuts later!

Kris: Thank you for having a sneeze appropriate to the build-up.

Zhang: I have to go teach his NRA buddies unarmed combat.

Xsol: This is not my crisis. I would have had a much more orderly crisis.

Lucian: What happened to Jered?
Roberto: Kinda obvious, isn’t it?

Roberto: With AI, long sex lasts almost a second.

Roberto: I was just making a very sincere and humble attempt to not inhale beef.
Mark: Now that’s what she said.

Dami: There was razor-sharp water in the back of my neck.

Dami: Sangrefey and the Time-Fuckers – that’s the name of my SF cover band.

Xsol: They killed the people in the morgue.

Scott: I just tried to have a conversation in my head with Morgan and he’s not willing to talk about it.

Kris: I’m never squeezing the bears for you.

Zhang: No, Frost would get cranky. That’s what I get for falling for a blue-boy.

Kris: You people. You people. With your people!

Scott: You get offered the Holy Grail and you’re sticking to your 7-11 Thor cup.

Roberto: There’s no fucking way I’m not fucking polite.
Jet [GM]: That’s fucking t-shirt worthy.

Roberto: Lucas. Not a name that means anything to me.

Roberto: His version of reassuring is remarkably similar to terrify.

Jet [GM]: He’s whooping lemonade. Not just snarfing. He’s whooping.
Mark: He’s got whooping snarf?

Xsol: It’s what you said earlier. He wants her.
Nova: But why?
Kate: There’s no accounting for taste.

Kris: It’s a ship-colored ship with clothes-colored clothes.


Rescuing Janim

Who gave you the right to go bungling around in time, putting right what I made wrong?!

Scott [Meta-Tariq]: I’m on a mission from Gra.

Jet [GM] Stop doing unprotected Force.
Kris: Yes, use a Force condom.

Jet [GM]: Reggie’s Fleet of Fabulous Cleaning Droids!

Kris: Your folder has been contaminated by teddy bear sex.

Meta-Rigel: I was slipping out of the Dark, sliding into the Light, and then I decided to be Awesome instead. True story.

Dami: You didn’t say that.
Mark and Kris: Yes she did.
Dami: Fine. I didn’t hear you. Excuse me for being your son.

Roberto: The word ‘tourist’ on Redemption is synonymous with chum.

Roberto: Jettana, hacking into the system every time is not the password.

Meta-Macer W.: Do you see this? This is my cigarette. I lit it off my armor. Which was on fire. Fuck off; I’m on fucking break.


The Phone Call

Naturally. Only tells you when. Time machine problems.

So I get a phone call from Jet, instructing me to write this down and put it in the quotes.

Reggie: Mandalorians are like lobster. Once you crack open the shell it’s just juicy meat.


The Imperial Galactic Senate

In the future my friends may not be heroes, but if we succeed they'll be remembered as Legends.

Roberto [Aerys]: I wasn’t going for smart, I was going for Yay!

Jet [GM]: Morgan, what are you doing?
Scott: I am rolling my magic number. Fix that. Can I go back to sex now?

Kris: Wow Morgan is really big.

Dami: Quick, while she’s stunned, steal her kidneys.
Kris: I don’t think we want to steal her kidneys.
Mark: Well, actually…

Xsol: Hello Morgan.
Morgan: Hello Xsol. How can I help you?
Xsol: That’s a good question. You were so entertaining Kris forgot why I called.

Jet [GM]: You don’t have people group-licking you.

Roberto: I want to play a Rakata.
Mark: You want to play a soft cheese?


Ooh, Quotes I Didn’t Know I Had!

Whenever you need me
I'm right there with you
Whenever there's something you wanna redo
The clock is ticking but not for me
I'm living in a different reality
Whenever, whatever, wherever
I'm right there with you

Rilven: Well I can’t point and laugh from here, so I’ll just have to laugh.

Nico: ..if she was one of the people blown out into space or into the time vortex. I don’t know which is harder to explain.

Rilven: No we cut the umbilical cords first then teleport the babies out. Otherwise we have the umbilical cords through a transdimentional space and it would be topologically irritating.

Keith: You want Rebel doing flight bay routing?

Rigel: Okay, she’s not going to be a lot of help to herself right now.

Brett: If his rock wasn’t trying to touch him in the naughty place, he wouldn’t have gotten stuck in his rock.

Pilar: Is this Star Wars or is this Doom?

Jet [GM][whimpering]: That’s Dragaeran magic right? Against white wolf magic tech. ….give me a minute.

Pilar: I think upon seeing that Siyun looks as close to horny as you’ve ever seen her.

Pilar: I have a funny feeling in my thighs.

Jet [GM]: I’d forgotten the whole breathing thing.

Mark: This is not the first time ‘pile on Talia’ has been the solution. In bed.
Kris: In medbay.

Pilar: This is not how I wanted to solve the funny feeling in my thighs.

Jettana: They’re from the planet of mind-meld people, we’re still looking for that one.
Kris: It’s right by the Priest planet of oxen and bales of stuff.


Star Fantasy: The Porn

March 2013

Roberto: Saving the galaxy from Janim, one orgasm at a time.

Jet: They are arns and marks. But not Mark’s arns.
Mark: I have all the arns. I finally have a temporal power, dammit!

Mark: Face down, ass up. There are reasons why the apology position is face-down ass-up.
Jet [GM][nodding]: Yes, there are.
Damien: And they’re boy reasons, too!!

Scott: And the Jedi Healer, having botched his roll, curls up next to the cooling corpse of his former mistress.

Mark: This is not a family game. This is a family planning game.

Jet [GM]: Does anyone else have anything they would like to do after hearing the Senate Announcement?
Roberto: I would very much like to meet with the Jedi Master who wants to poke my uterus.

Roberto: Well, your back is still there.

Damien: I’m disappointed in Vale. He’s showing no prophet margin at this time.

Jet [GM]: You could have fed the dog all this time.
Scott: I don’t think the dog eats time. [pause] OMG the dog has temporal powers? You suck!
Jet [GM]: [walks over, picks up a ruler, and whaps Scott repeatedly]

Jet [GM]: Needs more blood.
Scott: Jet. Perhaps in your current state you should stop working on the figurine before we’re watching you and Kate commiserate over what you’ve done to the figurine which had been going so well.
Kris: No, no. I’d much rather she add as much blood as she wants to the figurine and gets it out of her system rather than she goes into the kitchen and starts cooking brownies. I don’t want to hear “Needs more blood” while she’s in the kitchen.
Scott: [turns purple from laughing]
Roberto: You broke Scott!

Xsol: You don’t get to ask me that, whatever your actual rank in Shadowforce is Kenobi.

Roberto: Brain. Stuff. Thing.

[This is what happens when you leave your fishgirl behind.]


Learning Curves

April 2013

Dami: Mark, the Man Who Pees Without Fear!

Laurel: Who screamed?
Rayne: That would be the Force Ghost. He didn’t want to die.
Morgan: Someone should have told him it was a little late on that.

Jet [GM]: Somebody medicate Scott.

Zhang: Master Kenobi? Could you make this girl a little more light?
Morgan: Why?
Zhang: Because Shyam’s trying to eat her.
Morgan: Usually I don’t do things like this but that’s actually a pretty good reason.

Vale: I don’t think you did anything wrong, but I’m supposed to scold you, so learn something!


“Add this to the quotes”

May 2013

Roberto: It’s been around Xsol so much that tey probably genetically engineered it by accident!


And Nova is a Natural Disaster

June 2013

Roberto: I can wait as I just got the nanny roleplay.

Kris: Vale! Look at Zhang! Don’t look at sexy squirrel porn! Look at Zhang!!

Scott walks in.
Roberto: We’re looking at sexy squirrels.
Scott turns around and walks back outside.

Kris: Let’s stop looking at squirrel porn and look at Zhang.

Morgan, after a massive disaster destroys large portions of Mandalore: Laurel, seeing as this has gotten your attention…
Laurel: Should we do something to help them?
Morgan: We should get some sleep.
Laurel: Morgan?
Morgan: We came into the casino yesterday afternoon.

Scott: The road to hell is paved with burnt Mandalorians?

Scott: Our shields can’t repel firepower of that magnitude!
Roberto: You made Lori snarf lunch, you asshole!
Scott: What did I do? I quoted star wars!!

Meta-Rigel: Do you want to see my Godhead?

Jet [GM]: Didn’t I tell you about odd and even?
Dami: No, you told me about odd and omg that’s fucking odd.

Scott: Please phrase your question in the form of an alibi.


Swallow…

June 2013 (Yes Again! No This Isn't More Date Issues I Swear!)

Damien: Hey Rigel! Now you’re God!

Mark [Meta-Xsol]: Dammit Mohinder! I’m a doctor, not an assassin!

Mark: BWAA-HAA!

Mark: Galactic Standard mother-fucker! Do you speak it?

Jet [GM]: I snarfed sunflower seeds, you asshole.

Kris: I don’t want to write ‘nomming the ass-stick’.

Jet [GM]: Swallow, swallow. C’mon, swallow.
Dami: C’mon Vale, swallow. Swallow.
Kris: Vale doesn’t need that much encouragement.
Jet [GM]: Raithe does.


This Game is Brought to You by the Number 17

July 2013

Jet [GM]: It would need to be a 3/2/5.
Mark: That’s awfully strong.
Roberto: That’s strong? Zhang forms those by accident.

Joshua: I have heard from Brem who heard from Xsolthynir who heard from Nova who heard from Mandalore…

Jet [GM] [talking to Raithe]: Can I name you Zhang? Can I call you Zhang?
Kris: We named the dog Zhang…

Jet [GM]: Corduaglia. Reporting in. Lt. ….some chick. Um…. gimme a moment…

Dami [in a redneck accent]: Stand back, I’m going to try astrophysics.

Zhang: Gra, does Rigel know about the tsunami?
Xsol: Um. I don’t…. I don’t know if he remembers the tsunami or not. Or if he knew about the tsunami and forgot, or was told and forgot, or if he forgot and now remembers…and I don’t remember if he was told, or if I forgot… I don’t know.
Mark: Do I?
Jet [GM]: You shouldn’t. Oh fuck. You have a link to Joshua now. Damn Granted. Yes you remember the tsunami grumble grumble.

Roberto: Do you know why rabbits are so fertile?
Kris: Cream soda?

Rigel: You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little distracted; I’m under pressure.

Jet [GM]: You need your aura klarg klarg klarg.

Jet [GM]: Do you think Prophecies grow on trees?
Dami: Well Prophecies are written on parchment and…
Mark: Parchment comes from sheep. Prophecies grow on sheep.
Meta-Vale: I need to be one with the sheep.

Meta-Vale: So we don’t need to grease the sheep. They come pre-lubed!

Mark: I don’t need to hear any more about Vale’s sheep thrills.

Kris: If you’d just shut up when your mom told you to at the start, we wouldn’t be buying lubed sheep.

Meta-Nova: I want to lube a sheep zhiji.

Kris: You made Jet snarf tea you bastard!

Mark: Seattle is like Blade Runner in the suburbs.


Morgan, Shut Up.

August 2013

Mark: I don’t pee, may I be excused?

Roberto: You’re listening to me again. We talked about this.
Kris: He wasn’t listening then.
Jet [GM]: That was an awesome exchange.
Mark: What?

Mohinder: Would you like something before I put a spike in your brain?

Mark: Welcome to Star Fantasy, After Dark.
Scott: Or as we like to call it, SFAD.

Kris: You made the GM snarf tea, you asshole.

Morgan: You realize this is a mental construct right? *pfft* You’re naked. *pfft* You’re dressed like a flamingo. *pfft* You’re naked again.
Janim: Wait go back to the flamingo.

Janim: It’s all formed on emotion and has no use.
Kate: Isn’t that what orgasms are?

Kris: I’m so glad I don’t know they’re having sex. I’d just stop helping and let them die.

Zhang: Can you clone human brains?
Xsol: No! …well, yes. But NO!

Mark: Why does this have four buttons?
Jet [GM]: Because five would have been too many. And three was right out.

Scott [As Ewok Senator]: YUB YUB BITCHES!!

Morgan: I want to buy one of your stocking droids. That one.
Clerk: What?
Morgan: I really like his lines…

Roberto: Raithe you’re back to shedding like a psychopath.
Damien: Psychopaths shed?
Jet [GM]: We were all accepting it until Dami pointed it out.

Mark: #firstsectorproblems

Mark: Who do you think is the Nexus of the Zokolo.

Scott: Because we don’t believe in EmoLucian.
Jet [GM]: EmoLucian? Someone go kill Scott! Don’t just throw things at him, kill him!


Extra Quotes

September 2013

Jettana: Hey, come get some sith-boy! What no flowers? No dinner? No parquet floor?
[Jettana disappears in a teleport]
Gabriel: Shit.

Janim: I can hear him licking that ice cream. He licks loud.


A Tangled Skein

September 2013

Meta-Xsol: I can’t be comforting, but I can pull rank.

Kris: I have dozens of little medical techs running around.
Jet [GM]: Do you have crochet hooks?

Damien: Roberto, hit Mark.
Roberto: Is he still a drummer?
Everyone: Yes.
[Roberto hits Mark.]

Kris: Well Rigel doesn’t have to celebrate.
Mark: Well he realizes other people will be celebrating it at him. So he has to prepare a counter-o-festive.

Jenna: Your daughter is not a medical experiment.
Morgan: Maybe she needs gills.

Jet [GM]: Oh you’re going to show me Nova’s ass.

Damien: She found the crochet rules for Pathfinder. DC2, DC5.

Damien: Did you plunge the sink?
Mark: I got the plunger in anticipation of plunging the sink but found I didn’t have to. I intimidated the sink. Because that’s how Rigel rolls.
Jet [GM]: Now that’s a Sith.

Morgan: What do you want to go gloat? They’ll shoot you! They’re Corellian! They’re very straightforward about this! “Look! An asshole! *BAM*”

Kris: Would you like some tea? I can have a boy make you tea.

Roberto: I say exactly three words to Brem after that. “Brace yourself.”
Jet [GM]: That’s two words.
Roberto: It is? Brace your self.
Damien: Compound word.
Roberto: Spellcheck never catches that!

Damien: Look, Shoggoth tongue.
Roberto: That’s not the tongue.


Yule and Sunsdark

October 2013

Scott: He’s decided to write a sequel to Being John Malkovich.
Roberto: Being Scott Whitney?

Scott: I need to catch Laurel and Tabbins
Jet [GM]: You won’t. She’s not interested and neither is he.
Dami: He meant in pokeballs.

Morgan: I like this far more than I should.

Xsol: Do you want your hair hacked?

Meta-Mohinder: I’ve seen that part of Rigel.
Scott: Show me on the doll where the sith lord exposed himself.

Xsol: Your father will be very interested to see how you handle yourself.
Scott [Meta-Tariq]: I don’t think father wants to see how I handle myself.

Mark: The cephalopod of sin.

Jet [GM]: You’re threatening the stuffy with a ruler? Where does this even start to make sense?
Mark: You’re going to measure it to death?

Scott: STDs are bind on pick-up.


Time Traveling Battles FTW

November 2013

[After a lot of people encourage Kris to hit Damien harder, or to use tools, etc.]
Kris: Hand me that exacto knife, that will work.
Jet [GM]: Okay, that’s enough of that, as Kris goes crazy.
Damien: Is this going in the quote book?

Damien: Is it a Paradox engine?
Jet [GM]: Oooh, I hadn’t thought of that.
Damien: Aigh, someone hit me.
Kris: I can’t, your mother took the exacto knife away.

Scott: You want me to steep Jetta in your cup?
Mark [singing]: The best part of waking up….is Jetta in your cup!

Macer: Hello cousin.
Mohinder: BURN SOLO BITCH!!!!

Kris: Did you just give Jetta fibromyalgia?

Macer: Bit melodramatic, isn’t it?
Scott: Says the one who leaped out of shielding and yelled “Scream for me!”

Zhang: Hey it works!
Darth Dissonance (Rigel): Exactly once.

Scott: Darth Snuggles returns, looks around, and sighs. “I go away for ONE quick PVP arena, and now I have to clean up again.” He kicks Darth Heredis. “Oh, respawn, would you, Xsol?”

Roberto: It’s a sacred sith tomb forest. Every tree representing a dead sith lord.

Jet [GM]: Did you just edit yourself because the imaginary 7-year-old might hear the player say it?


The Weekend of Making Jet Feel Useful

December 2013

Roberto: We’re talking about a man so lucky when his wife puts in him in the doghouse she finds a new wife to put in there with him.

Mark: The planet Egypt, is well known for its skiing.

Laurel: They can’t fix eaten.

Laurel: I think it’s illegal for him to eat his clients.

Scott: Here, I’ll trade you meaningless credits for useless tchotzsches.


The GM Was Unconscious. She May Not Remember These.

January 2014

Roberto: I told her I want R2D2 to serve drinks at the wedding.
Stormy: You can probably rent Kenny Baker.

Jet [GM]: I lack faith in sofa-Jesus.

Jet [GM]: How many calories are in a cup of bleach?
Stormy: You had to look that up?? What’s WRONG with you??

Roberto as NPC: Excuse me sir, if you’d like to fake your death that’s the 5 o’clock tour.

Jet [GM]: What’s a Rigel?
Roberto: It’s a mispronunciation of wriggle.


If We Call the KickStarter ‘Unwilling Lubed Sheep’

February 2014

Jet [GM]: I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH FINGERS!!

Everyone: But I *want* ass-less chaps of time and space zhiji!

[Aerys walks up to the GM]
Jet [GM]: Yes, Aerys?
Aerys: ACHOO!

Mohinder: I could just remove all the atmosphere…oh, no, that will kill everyone.

Scott: I don’t know if the sheep are into that, but I have to admit that I really don’t care.
Roberto: So you’ll go with unwilling lubed sheep?

New Main Quote for Game:
Jet [GM]: Context Rarely Matters

Jet [GM]: I’m sorry, ‘Rigel’s impending romance with the progenitor planet’ is the funniest line I’ve heard in a while.

Jet [GM]: Did she just hit you?
Scott: No, she poked me in the middle of the forehead.
Kris: I was trying to reboot.

Damien: Can I stop being a planet now?
Scott: [singing] You’ve got the whole world in your head!

Damien: Did you say your tart sense is tingling?

Damien: Well I didn’t watch the game for 18 years, you kept me in the basement for most of it.

Nova: The Koi Noraan.

Damien: You obviously have three men in your life –
Kris: Only three?
Damien: -in your life and you have different ways of keeping them happy: Murder, drugs, and fish.


We all Hate Balsa Wood

April 2014

Jet [GM]: This is a group that pays really good attention…to really inane shit.

Roberto: I’m nimbler than I am pretty, and I’m prettier than I am smart.

The collective group:
A fuckload of Saldanas
A Meditation of Jedi
A Rage of Sith
A Riot of Janissary

Scott: Are Minbari smarter than Mon Calamari?
Damien: Yes, Mon Calamari can recognize a trap.

Scott: As spokesman for the Krii Noraan I’d just like to say “ooooooooooooh.”

Everyone singing: I hate balsa wood, I hate balsa wood…
Jet [GM]: Kill someone. Pick one at random.
Scott: Vader.
Jet [GM]: At the table! At the table!
Scott: Bring him out, I’ll kill him at the table.

Jet [GM]: It’s Darklord Duck, lord of the Sith.

Kris: You just made the GM snarf apple juice you asshole.

Scott: Morgan teleports in, tags T’han, says “Tag you’re it!” looks at Gar and says, “I wish it was harder for you to find me” and teleports out.

Mark: You’ve been Rigel-rolled.


It’s….classified.

May 2014

Mohinder: I have a weird question.
Tabbins: Usually.

Roberto: I’ve never made a spot check involving that cup.

Roberto: Dami, your birthday involves sex and coke?
Scott: Or at least gender and carbonated beverages.

Scott: It can only speak in advertising slogans. It only knows hate.

Jet [GM]: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Scott: Is that you?
Je/t [GM]: It’s me. ow. me. ow. meow. meow
Scott: Good, now you are gming Chess and we’re back in game.

Kris: Xsol is lawful neutral until tey gets bored. Then tey is chaotic neutral until someone says, “stop that!”

Jet [GM]: The size of the psychic signature attached to that bucket is huge.

Roberto: I was going to attempt emotional contact with a bucket.


In Your Head….

June 2014

Roberto: My mildly racist ghetto village is problematic.

Jet [GM]: I love my players.
Dami: Now you don’t or you wouldn’t throw us into rock porn.
Mark: HUNT ROCK PORN.
Jet [GM]: I love my players.

Roberto: It’s the Beth that keeps on Bething.

Azura: Sometimes the voices just aren’t worth listening to.

Lucian: Nope. Luna Lovegood did not just ride into battle against Slendermen on the back of a garthim. Nope. No.


En Route to Mandalore

July 2014

Mark: Throw me the plug I’ll throw you the whip.
Kris: That..that…
Mark: That went all kinds of There.
Kris: I’m not sure that went where you expected it to go to.

Zhang: And Skywalkers cause problems.
Brem: And he is all of them.

Kris: It’s the Deaglan of Mandalore.
Jet [GM]: It’s the Deaglan of Mandalore. Except she’s not fucking her ship.
Jet [GM] and Kris: Yet.

Lady Astor: Joshua don’t you touch my godson! I will write you out of my will! That little academy you’re so fond of? You want that new wing on Tromyr, don’t you?

Jet [GM]: Azura! The GM is going to reach into the game and throttle you! Just talk to him!
Azura: I can’t. Kris is laughing too hard.

Zhang: I don’t regret that the kidnappers accidentally set a fire that killed our father on the way out.
Laurel: Convenient.
Morgan: No, not convenient. You see, when you go through the trouble of kidnapping someone for ransom you don’t want to kill the people on the other end. Then you don’t have anyone to call and say ‘We have the girl.’

Laurel: I am here to help Shadowforce, and the Jedi. My job description does not state, ‘And Sith shoot lightning at me.’
Morgan: No but your diary does.

Blaine: Who are you to question me?
Damien: Darth Heredis.

Kate: Probability is a two-bit whore for certain bloodlines.

Morgan: Leave yourself room for probability to help you. Han Solo once yelled, “Never tell me the odds.” This is, in fact, a survival trait.

Laurel: YOU HARDWIRED HER TO BE A SITH?
Morgan: She already WAS a Sith! I’m not supposed to go in there and make them something they aren’t! So I made her a better Sith!
Laurel: By hard-wiring her? MORGAN! You’re supposed to clear the channels, not hardwire them!
Morgan: That’s what we did!
Laurel: This is why we don’t let YOUR KIND into the Towers!
Morgan: Wait, what do you mean by my kind? Because usually that’s racist–
Laurel: MEN! Men who are STUPID!


The Tindalo Investiture

January 2015

Kris: You made Jet snarf an omelet you asshole.

Kris Jet: [singing]
Damien: Kill someone. Pick someone at random.
Mark: [mimes shooting Damien.] There, now you don’t have to suffer through it.

Jet [GM]: It’s a green peg. Then it turns yellow.
Kris: Then it goes ‘pika pika’ and evolves.

Roberto: Has any effort been made to wake up the sleeping GM?
Kris: Repeatedly, to no avail. Drastic measures may be necessary…. Dami, die or something.
Roberto: Lori, Damien is pregnant.

Roberto: I wish I was delusional. It would make things easier.
Kris: You do realize that none of us are here, right?
Roberto: That’s actually very reassuring.
Scott: Thank you Kris. Yes, Roberto, you’ve actually been in a rubber room all alone for the last three months.

Many People: Feliz Puppydog. (Bark bark bark bark) Feliz puppydog (bark bark bark bark) I want to wish you a merry puppy…

Azura: This is a trap! We’re laying a trap for the Shadows? *whispers* That chair over there is very suspicious.
Mohindre: This is a psychic link, Azura.
Azura: Oh right!

Mark: Well, Mistress Sparkly Tits.


The Bodies in the Garden

February 2015

Meta-Morgan: My explosive dip is off with the AIA.

Jet [GM]: Your translating diplomatic boobs are not the issue here. That sentence didn’t happen.
Everyone: Yes it did!
Scott: It may have happened all the way to the quotes page.

Xsolthynir: Because Jered has a fish…counting squad…

Jet [GM]: We’re not driving Miss Daisy, we’re driving that dildo. Now come on.

Lord Jessik: What do I do with that when it gets here?
Scott types into Gchat.
Jet [GM]: No the answer is not kill it and bury it in the garden.
Scott: This is why they made a cat the heir to the House!


Causing Scenes.

March 2015 - I Bet You Are Feeling Bored Now That There's Just Normal Dates Here Aren't You

Roberto: It can be old and awesome, look at Lady Astor.

Scott: We’ve already stated what we’re going to do. We’re waiting on the GM to come around in the personality-o-rama in the chair over there.

Roberto: And that’s who I’m talking to! The Sith Muppet!!!

Tariq: The heroine of the story (to Dora, GM looking at Dami) That’s you –
Everyone: dies laughing


A short Interlude

April 2015

Scott: Do you live on a different Redemption than I do?
Roberto: You live on Redemption? Since when? You stay long enough to grab a wife and leave?

Xsol: Tell the guard your father sent for you.
Tariq: But I don’t want to lie.
Xsol: Great. Now he develops morals.
Half the room: He’s going to be a Jedi, he has to develop them sometime.
Meta-Xsol: Yes but not when it was inconvenient for me!


Very Sick Chronicler, but I Caught Some

June 2015

Scott: Lady Astor’s notes – smallpox blankets, talk to Zhang about charity.

Roberto: [as NPC] Let’s be clear, do you have anything proving Regis left you in charge? [As Morgan] No, but the alternative is Jenna. [as NPC] Yes, sir. And what would you like done?

Jet [GM]: I’ve been friend-zoned? By FISH??

Scott [makes ass-kissing noise]
Dami: How did you do that? I can’t do that with my hands! I want to take that sentence back now.


Hey There Baby, What’s Your Paradigm?

August 2015

Scott: Scott Whitney, the human bong.

Scott: I’m so glad to have you as a strong moral compass.
Roberto: Was that to Kris, Xsol, or Azura?

Mark: She needs a bodyguard like I need someone to count me in.

Damien: That man’s got plenty of wood.
Jet [GM]: *stares at Dami*
Azura: That was so loud Tabbins heard it! Shhhhhhhh!

Mark: Now Garlon is magic-active, but that is not his wand.
Scott: Sure it is! Garlon, hold this wand. Now swish and flick SULTRAN!

Jet{GM}: Morgan, you see one bubble, with Janim. She screams, “MORGAN! HELP ME!” [to Azura] You didn’t hear that.
Roberto: Well, actually she did, she heard the GM just explain it to him.

Dami: The psionics in this room just went from ‘eeeee’ to ‘WAAAAAAAAAAAH’

Rourke: Goad him into eating me. What’s the worst that could happen, he kills me?
Zhang: Believe me, that I brought along a reusable suicide bomber is a major data point…


Wyrmholes

November 2015

Tabbins: You realize this is a bad idea.
Mohindre: I know! That’s why I need backup!
Greg: Bad porn music is playing in the background.

Jet [GM]: Morgan.
Scott (funny face and voice): Yessss.
Jet [GM]: Xsol.
Kris: (funny face and voice) Yesssss.
Jet [GM]: *pause while everyone laughs* Morgan.
Scott (funny face and voice): Yessss.
Jet [GM]: Xsol.
Kris: [laughing too hard to answer]

Morgan: Update.
Xsol: We are on Shiva.
Morgan: [I could ask any number of questions right now, but why don’t I shut up and keep listening.]

Scott as Vale: AND THERE SHALL COME A TIME WHEN MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT IS UNSCREWING AND THERE SHALL BE GNASHING OF TEETH.

Jet [GM]: Who do you know who’s been to Burning Man?
Roberto: I set a man on fire once, does that count?
Jet [GM]: *snarfs*
Kris: You made the GM snarf water you asshole.


December 2015

In Which Rigel is Tossed Under a Bus

Mark: Laurel’s going to have a cow.
Dami [holds up Vishmoo]: Moo!

Jet [GM]: There’s Joshua: “Yo Master Lucian, up top!” and Lucian, “Hey, Master J, down low!”

Dami [to Raithe]: You’re a dog!
Kris: No! It’s clear your dog has chosen to identify as a kitty. Just because she was born a dog is no reason not to support her choice in being a kitty.
Dami: Now you’ve made me feel guilty I’m not supporting her choice to be a cat.
Jet [GM] [to Raithe]: I’m going to get you a collar with a bell, and a mouse toy, and put your bed in a ray of sunshine…
Scott [to Raithe]: You are a DOG, and an Abomination of nature!
Raithe: *licks Scott’s face*

Laurel: Who is in charge of this mission?
Morgan: I’m told Rigel Dolaan.
Laurel: The drummer from Cyntrix? The Senate consultant?
Morgan: That’s what Xsolthynir said.
Laurel: Xsolthynir.
Xsol: Yes?
Laurel: Are you aware of a covert mission that I should be prepping Medical for?
Xsol: Yes? But I’m not in charge. Rigel is.
Laurel: The drummer.

Rigel: Who pulled you back?
Morgan: Azura.
Rigel: Azura? Your apprentice?
Morgan: Padawan.
Rigel. Padawan. That’s what I said.


February 2016

Just a Few

Rigel: You can take comfort that people like you because you are useful.
Azura: No that’s no good! Because then you stop being useful and then it’s all lighstsabers and death.

Scott: Any second now, the tongue is coming.
Mark: Oh Danny Boy, the tongue, the tongue…is coming…


March 2016

Board Meetings and other Froufrou

Brandy: Do you know how Morgan’s force gift works?
Zhang: The teleport thing? No.
Scott [As Brandy]: Neither do we. We were hoping you did.

Miranda: The Legion of RICH. “Really In Charge Here.”


April 2016

We Clearly Wanted to Watch TV

Mark: Is it on Lethshivo?
Kris: We have Sith Cam, they have Lethshivo.
Dami: Jedi Hulu?
Mark: JediTunes
Kris: Is it janissary flicks? Janissary Hulu?
Mark: Janissulu.
Dami: Now George Takei is a Janissary.
Kris: I’m okay with this.
Mark: It’s okay to be Takei.
Kris: Are the Sangrefey Amazon prime?
Dami: Then who are the Valkain Aldarii?
Kris: They’re Blockbuster.

Dami: Did she hit the door?
Jet: It’s a door. It doesn’t dodge.
Dami: But what if she misses.
Jet: Fine, I’ll roll. Shit. She missed the door.

Zhang: We can’t treat her as a threat. It would be like kicking a puppy.

Mark: The cake is a lie. There is only PI. Through PI I gain calories. Through calories I weight. Through weight I gain girth. Through girth, my belt is broken. The Force will free me…from my pants.

Meta-Jettana: Every time he opens his mouth, feet fall out.


May 2016

Fate of the Party

Scott: Star Fantasy, the Nap. The unsuccessful sequel to Star Fantasy After Dark.

Jet [GM]: Do you want to have any control over mohin for this planning session or just you cooperate as directed and fate of the party for what happens to you?
Damien: I’m good. Fate of the party. I trust my fellow players. Except Scott. And Roberto. And possibly Mark and Kris. … Ok, I trust Greg. But he doesn’t play. And I trust Kate. Same issue.

Roberto: Rigel, as your reward for a mission well done, we present you with – a nemesis!
Scott: Hell, instead of a nemesis, we’re promoting you. Here’s a bass guitar. You no longer need to be a drummer.

Kris: We were very distracting. We were so distracting we distracted ourselves.
Roberto: What was your distraction? We came up with another mission we decided was more important than yours and did that instead.


June 2016

The Death of Shadows

Kris: I’m going to fix him further.
Roberto: You’re euthanizing him?

Scott: The galaxy is going to change because of a mistake Stormy made!
Azura: You need a better wall.
Jet [GM]: *snarfs tea*
Kris: I made the GM snarf tea. I’m an asshole.

Scott: That’s a cat strapped on a rocket with a really large magnifying glass so they look really large.
Kris: “Sir! We have an incoming cat!” “Cat?” “Well it’s trapped to a rocket. And it’s very large. Here’s a visual.”
Jet [GM]: I can’t breath, I’m laughing too hard.

Zhang: My fiance’s simple and straightforward to make happy.
Mark: He’s male. Steak and blow job. He’s good.
Raithe [the dog]: Arooo!
Jet [GM]: Even Raithe agrees! [to Raithe] I’m not going to ask how you know that.
Kris [as Raithe]: I miss Dami.
(Jet urks as the entire group falls over laughing)


July 2016 - I Bet You Didn't Even Notice I Switched Where the Dates are Compared to the Titles

Traveling Back to Mandalore

Scott: Fine fine. I’m just going to roll my dice and if I roll my magic number just fuck you all.

Lori [GM]: I think I just snarfed tapioca.
Kris and Scott: YOU ASSHOLE!

Cass: Damien is great, but you all are made of fucking nightmares.


September 2016

Morgan has Trouble with Reality, Again

Scott: Siri, why did you kill Terry Pratchett?
Lori: *snarfs*
Kris: You made the GM snarf....vegetables?

Lori: Laurel drops her hands.
Morgan: I pick them up and give them back to her. I do not reveal that I have noticed she is not real.

Mark: Why are you taking my name in vain?
Damien: You are still not god! According to your own secret diaries which we all read!
Kris: Religiously.


November 2016

This is Korriban

Rigel: Eat plasma, lizard-breath.


December 2016

Still on Korriban but We Haven't Actually Called It That

Damien: You're trying to be all non-gendered up in this bitch.


February 2017

The Return of the AIA Volunteers

Mark: Jettana, are you saying you aren't satisfied with Joshua's fishstick?

Mark: How long has it taken you to know she's never done?
Kris: Well, we could stick a fork in her to find out.
Lori: That's the best offer I've had all week.


May 2017

Visions versus the AIA

Scott: Quick! Everyone hide! (Everyone hides while Lori is out of the room.)

Lori: Okay, the Prophecy doesn't....echo.... They're all gone.

Lori: Hello?

Lori: AIGH! Why was Scott under the table??


September 2017

Side Trip to Tromyr

Xsol: Just because Lucian's having a bad day doesn't mean he should be clubbing baby seals.

Lucian: Aren't you a Sith Assassin?
Nova: Well, I don't go around clubbing baby animals.

Xsol: I'm not here to rescue you. I can't get you out. But I can give you peace. 'There is no death; there is the Force.'


October 2017

Making Waves on Mandalore

Kris: [Meta-Xsol] The last thing I tried to feed to the nexu ended up a pet.
Roberto: [Meta-Zhang] What, the Jedi?

Roberto: Joshua's full name is Joshua Mertarken Rodriguez.

Lucian: Morgan, of all the people I have met in my long and complicated existence, you are the one who most often makes me want to buy a vowel.
Morgan: What does that mean?
Lucian: Yes. Exactly.


Saving Mandalore

November 2017

Zhang: He followed me into situations we didn't expect to survive. He complained and stared at my ass, but he did it.

Jet [GM]: I'll misbehave with pudding.

Scott: I speak bocci.
Jet[GM]:snarfs
Roberto: You made the GM snarf miso, you asshole.
Scott: But all I did was quote star wars.

Roberto: I don't know what the fox said.

Roberto: People in glass universes shouldn't throw Skywalkers.

Tariq: Things that get pregnant don't have nexu and things that get things pregnant do.


Who's Who


Things We Have Made the GM Snarf

We're Assholes