Jared and his friends have a semi-regular get-together wherein they game for a weekend. It's rather like Star Fantasy except far less regularly timed. Often the games are one-shots, so anyone can come.
Brittany: I found out on my GPS I need an ‘avoid ghetto.’
Mike: The Bridges of D&D County.
Jesse [GM]: No, you quiver next to the Paladin.
Jared: No, I become ‘a quiver’.
Kris: And we have Roland sign! I can see the smoke!
Roland: I’m Baas.
Rob: Large mouth or small mouth.
Sean: My brother wants to know.
Jesse [GM]: You have the woods to the north. *Draws an R on the map*
Jared: Is that an R for woods?
Jesse [GM]: The skeleton pulls out a rusty scimitar.
Jared: Time to get tetanus.
Rob: I light the orcs on lightning.
Jesse [GM]: *points at Roland’s character* Who’s this poor guy over here with the wings?
Roland: *points at Rob* Dragon! Wings!
Jesse [GM]: The zombie goes maaaaah.
Sean: Is it a sheep zombie?
Kris: Zombie yarn!
Mike, to Kris: I’m sorry about this, I hope I miss you. (To the GM) I cast scorching burst on the Paladin.
Mike: I’m going to hit it with a magic missile again. Actually, I haven’t hit it yet with a magic missile.
Jesse [GM]: Are you going to hit it on the ground?
Mike: *rolls* I’m gonna hit the ground.
Rob: Thanks for taking away my +1 to attack.
Kris: You’re going to miss anyway.
Jesse [GM]: +10 vs. copyright infringement.
Rob: Situation bnus for not distributing.
Jesse [GM]: You look into the misty morning and you see mist….and morning.
Jesse [GM]: It’s a minor action to swap hands.
Kris: It’s a minor to swap pants?
Kris: That’s a 15 vs reflex.
Jesse [GM]: The immobile creature dodges.
Jesse [GM]: And at high noon the festival commences.
Jesse [GM]: Uncommences. What’s the opposite of commences?
Joanna: We need 40 rations. That’s 20gp.
Jared: How did you get that?
Kris: Joanna did math.
NPC: And over there is the old burial ground.
Kris: There’s a prelude to disaster.
Totally Different Session
Dargash: Do you have a nickname by chance? Elnarasharod: Elnarasharod.
Pete: Not even interested in mine.
Sean: You don’t smell like Jared.
Jared [GM]: I could rub on you if you like.
Sean: I cast magic missile on the darkness.
Elnarasharod: That’s my job.
Dargash: Would it be improper to refer to you as Elnara?
Dargash: Great. We’re going to be in battle and unable to get help. “Eln– Elsh– Hey you! Help me!
H: Hey E!
H: She hates it, but she responds.
Pete: That’s good, unless you’re George, molestation is usually bad.