The Liberator Gaming Front

A Collection of Gaming Quotes

The Serpent Isle Campaign

This was one of the stranger games I played in; there was a lot of death and respawning at the start, but once we got the hang of it, it was rather fun.

MAY 25, 2004

Serpent Isle

Kris: You’re making out like a bandit over there
Jared: Funny you should say that

Xenin: So what is a knight?
Bryan: The opposite of day.

Bryan: I know, we died and we’re in limbo.
Jared: I better not be dead again

Stephanie: I can just see the word “pause” blinking on and off in my mind
Kris: It could be worse, it could be blinking “12:00”

Joanna: I’m talented with zippers. It comes in handy in many places.

Jared: Stealth-Cow-Milker

Robin: Change is bad

Joanna: How average do you feel today?

Kris: It was going so well right up until it got large.
Jared: No comment.

Kris: Oh, that’s what she is! She’s a gnome that used to be a half-elf. She’s a gelfling!

Bryan: Let’s get rid of the dead bodies.
Kris: But they sorta liven up the place.
Jared: They sorta deaden up the place.

Stephanie: Is it just me or does this hallway seem to be breathing?
Bryan: Well it does keep getting longer and shorter and bigger and thinner

Stephanie: I love how there’s always safety in numbers

Jared: Fear my dead animal.

JUNE 18, 2004

Language Barriers

Bryan: Sorry, I couldn’t help it.
Kris: Yes you could. That’s why you have willpower.

Pete [GM]: She’s going at it with a couple of guys.
Jared: On the practice field??!
Pete [GM]: [blinks as he catches up to what he said]

Robin: I am Robin. You already know that. You are Jorven. You already know that.

Bryan: That’s okay, you can hit me all you want.
Kris: Ooh, don’t make offers.

[The GM mocks us as we muddle about fetching our new cloaks before a banquet, and Kris says, Cloak and Blanket, because it had been a large bear, and she’s a small halfling.]
Pete [GM]: “We have to pick up our cloaks before the blanket…can we say quote book anyone?”
Roland: Possibly not…

Bryan and Kris: Magical Lice??!

Gaulrog: As a Death Cleric do you just save the bodies or the souls?
Xenin: It really depends on what I’m using them for.

Gaulrog: Ah, you’re going to go look for a needle in a garbage dump?

Xenin: Apparently the only language we all have in common is…common…

Enelya: “Snarl Snarl” means “I’m hungry.”
Xenin: Actually “Grumble Grumble” means “I’m hungry” in most languages. “Snarl snarl” usually means “I’m going to kill you.”
Gaulrog: No difference in Orcish.

Jared: Cast detect paper.

Enelya: …because my damn monkey won’t work!

Robin: He’s still leaking!!

Kris: Preparing her for cremation. As opposed to Claymation.

Kris: There goes another spoon for the day.
Jared: Soon you’ll be in the Matrix. “There is no spoon.”

Oskar: Nasty bisquit-dropping cow-plant.

Pete [GM]: They weren’t crudely drawn. They were drawn and crude.
Roland starts drawing.
Kris: I don’t need that mental image.

Kris: Temple of who?
Bryan: Wha-hoo!

Joanna: Used by those of delicious intent

Roland: Fireball. Whoosh. No more paperwork.

AUGUST 16, 2004

Cool Doors

Kris: I refuse to be eaten by a couch.
Stephanie: It’s quite fun!

Pete [GM]: I would most definitely be potentially interested in buying three longswords.

Enelya: Hey, there is an innkeeper here!

Jared: Hey, look, leather! It’s even been sweated in!

Jared: And my CDrom drive attempts lift-off.

Oskar: O…kay Enelya, you keep playing with your flowers.

Oskar: Hey Enelya, do you want to go play in the ruins?
Enelya: Yay!
Pete [GM]: [Laughing as Enelya catches on]

Enelya: Who’s going to die? Who’s going to die?
Kris: That’s my line!

Jared: Casting a spell is a loud and wavy business.

Stephanie: Your door farted.

Robin: I’m not asking for a Tower. A Hovel. Anything would be fine.

Pete [GM]: It’s the Weary Warrior.
Jared: Good meal for a weary warrior! [pause] That’s not the name of the stew, is it?

Stephanie: Not everyone can have a cool door like the Wolf Clan can.

Robin: I can outrun a forest fire.

Bryan: I throw my dice at Robin.

Oskar: Hey look! It’s the ocean!
Xenin: Gee, Oskar, I never would have guessed!
Robin: It’s a goddamn good thing we have a ranger or we would have never known!

Pete [GM]: You find some tracks.
Bryan: What kind of tracks are they?
Kris: They are probably ours.

Pete [GM]: You camp. You wake, you sleep.

Robin: Mm, naked goblins.

Pete [GM]: Although it would be fun to punch the guy’s horn while he’s blowing it.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2004

Knights of Monitor

Stephanie: Oh no, my monkey’s got a battle!

Pete [GM]: Pass the greasy death.

Oskar: It’s such a shame to put a good monkey to waste.

Xenin: There are many knights of Monitor.

Gaulrog: As many nights as there are days.

Stephanie: Male bonding, isn’t it grand?

Robin: Parlez-vous Elvish?

Pete [GM][As Shopkeeper]: This town was founded on the precepts of beauty.
Enelya: There’s more to beauty than what’s on the outside.

Oskar: We appreciate Monitor’s appreciation.

Jared: Congratulations, Jack! You’re the new anchor!

Stephanie: Even better, a half-orc fairy!
Kris: That’s the largest fairy I’ve ever seen.
Stephanie: That’s the ugliest fairy I’ve ever seen.
Jared: Put some clothes on! [as fairy] But I feel so free!
Kris: No freedom for you!

Pete [GM] to Kris: Feed him some more so he doesn’t talk.
Stephanie: What, keep something in his mouth?
Kris: Ummmmmm.
Jared: No comment. Well, lots of comments, but…

Xenin: I’m in need of some magical enhancement.
Pete [GM][as shopkeeper]: …I see…

[We enter the tavern]
Jared: [cell phone rings]
Pete [GM]: There’s a minstrel playing.

Robin: We are the epitome of the wild side of magic.

Pete: Khim, Arahad, Arahad part 2, and Kyle.

Stephanie: I get a little dizzy from looking at all the doors.
Robin: It’s not the doors, Enelya.

OCTOBER 12, 2004

Bats and Boats

Stephanie: Here comes the purple shining bat of doom!

Kris: Great Pickup Lines: I’m not really a dwarf.

Pete [GM]: Well, maybe if it’s a fruit bat he might want a pear.

Jared: Gaulrog has his own bat-a-rang.

Xenin: Robin, are you playing with the Diviners?
Robin: Yes.

[On making a boat]
Enelya: We could just carve one out of rock.

Bryan: It’s 2666!
Jared: There’s two of them!!

JANUARY 26, 2006

Gaming, Sex, and Death

Enelya: I’m going to summon the monkey! I’m going to summon the monkey!
Kris: That sounds kinky.

Robin: Aren’t you supposed to be meditating?

Kris: I said he needs to see some people who have not died screaming.
Roland: You could gag them first.

Stephanie: I wonder how Scooby would do singing his own theme song.

Jared: Wow.
Stephanie: What?
Jared: Just wow.

Pete [GM]: Wow.
Stephanie: What??
Pete [GM]: Just wow.

Robin: The war against the machines.
Kris: You’re trapped in the matrix.

Stephanie and Kris blink and make several hand-wavy motions at each other.
Pete [GM]: That’s very hard to think through.
Kris: We’ll go to silent mode. *They switch to just hand gestures.*
Jared: *tickles Stephanie* Aha I made one stop!

Pete [GM]: Now they are grabbing at each other.
Kris: Oh, Stephanie darling.
Stephanie: Ohhh!
Jared: Keep doing that.
Pete [GM]: Maurice, there’s a camera on the table.

Jared: I’m vibrating.
Stephanie: He’s vibrating.
Kris: I guess we were pretty good.
Jared: You were.
Pete [GM]: Yes, you were.

Stephanie: Actually, I’m really hot. Warm! I mean warm! I choked down my water to fix that.

Kris: It is a little hot in here.
Jared: Because we have two girls making out on the couch!

Stephanie: I was going to dump this on you but then a thought came into my head.
Kris: That then I’d be in a wet t-shirt?

Robin: No offense Xenin but I think your pony will go first.
Xenin: True, but that will slow us down.
Gaulrog: Only a day while we cook it.

Stephanie: It’s Lesbian Night.

Jared and Stephanie change places on the couch.
Kris: But now I can’t play with Steph. You’re coming between us.
Jared: You could just play with each other over me…
Kris: You’d enjoy that too much.

Xenin: What are you?
Forest Giant: Forest Giant.
Robin: I’ll buy that. You’re big, we’re in the woods.

Pete [GM]: Badger. Not pony.

Pete [GM]: Yay I got poked!

Kris: Eek! I killed Roland!
Jared: You killed him.
Kris: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to kill you. Will you live? No, wait, you’re dead.

MARCH 4, 2006

Combat Night

Stephanie looks at the monster picture.
Stephanie: Eeeeyah. I want to die.
Kris: I’m sure they’ll oblige.

Pete [GM]: And Xenin, that’s a mighty big morningstar.
Kris: Cool. I’m a mighty small halfling.

Robin: You want me to go one-on-one with your monkey? Because I’ll kick it’s furry little ass.

Robin: Here, put the light on the inside of my cloak.
Stephanie: So he can flash.

MARCH 25, 2006

In Our Heads

Robin: *thinks nasty thoughts*
Kris: What kinds of nasty thoughts?
Jared: The Diviners know.

Stephanie: I was thinking it would be funny if it was called the Bear’s Butt instead of the Boar’s Head.

Kris: He’s off scrolling a scribe…I mean scribing a scroll.

Stephanie: Does anyone have any chocolate?
Kris: I do; it’s wrapped in a cookie.
Pete [GM]: Wrapped in a cookie?
Kris hands Stephanie a cookie.
Pete [GM]: Oh. Those.

Kris: Okay, an elf that glowed. You don’t want to know what I heard just then.

MAY 30, 2006

Counting Dice

Robin: Maybe one of us should eat all the onions. In a fight we can run around and breathe on people.

Kris: Your dice have more companionship than is good for them. I think they are breeding.
Pete [GM]: No they aren’t.
Jared: How do you know?
Kris: Did you count them recently?
Pete [GM]: Yes.
Kris: That’s scary.

Kris: Because I’m a fearsome naked halfling.
Stephanie: It’s that big?

AUGUST 5, 2006

Flirting with Gender

Joanna: Death death death death death eeee!
Kris: This is the halfling version of Wee Jas.

Xenin: Mmmm. Dead.

Kris: Wow, Gaulrog has a really cute sneeze.

Joanna: Are you all pimps now?

Kris: You missed a lot of talk about a video game.

Maurice: Resident ‘Good’

Stephanie: You feel something sharp.
Kris: That’s either a bear, or Marc.

Jared: Well, Roland, you didn’t show up, and Joanna killed your character.

Jared: We’re such basement geeks.
Kris: That’s right, we are playing DnD in a basement.

[Marc puts on a belt and turns into a woman.]
Robin: I don’t want to hear anything more about putting on stuff.

Xenin: I have no chance. I have a skeletal bear.
Robin: I don’t think either of us have much hope now.
Enelya: Don’t give up hope!
Xenin: Oh now you’re just being cruel.
Robin: Now’s she’s just teasing.

Gaulrog: (to Em) They didn’t take that well.


Active Duty

Joanna and Kris: We’re grooving, we’re grooving.

Stephanie: Yay, he’s my hero-phant.

Snake: What is the balance of logic and emotion?
Gaulrog: A cheese sandwich.

Pete [GM]: Don’t be such a wet noodle, Kris.
Kris: I’m not Kris, I’m Ris.
Joanna and Stephanie: No, LaRis.

Stephanie: I don’t want to be ditzy!

Joanna: I can see everything. I can see through time.

Pete [GM]: I’ll go dig him out.
Roland: Need a shovel?
Pete [GM]: Half an hour later…

Xenin: I’m starving.

Jared: Zombie rats: Toessssss.

Stephanie: Why do pillows always like to get naked for me?

Robin: This is mah pet dawg, Spinebreaker.

Jared: We’re active knights!
Kris: We’re active days, too!
Joanna: We’re pulling double shifts!

NOVEMBER 11, 2006

Bananas and Lesbians

Robin: Lesbians have died out.

Stephanie: Tonight’s theme is bananas. And Lesbians.

Stephanie: Disappeared out of nowhere.

Stephanie: Anyone for roasted goblin?
Kris: Ew. Maybe Gaulrog.
Roland: Halfling, elf, human? Sure. Goblin? Ew.

Stephanie: What do they look like?
Maurice: Toasty.

Stephanie: Kris loves to be played with.

Jared: I’m going to stick him in the back. That’ll be the theme for the evening.

Kris: I thought the theme was bananas and lesbians.

JANUARY 20, 2007

Directions, Please!

Xenin: First we’re going to prepare the bodies for burial.
Enelya: AKA looting.

Xenin: Let’s not talk to the face, let’s talk to the hand.

Jared: She is like a dominatrix.
Joanna: And that’s a bad thing how?

Stephanie: This game is going downhill.
Kris: This game never made it up the hill.

Robin: You are on a demi-plane. Help!

APRIL 21, 2007

Light Evening

Stephanie: Because no matter how hard we try, Joanna won’t go away!

Jared: I don’t need anyone to extract my vengeance for me.

Joanna: I can write with my sandwich.

JUNE 9, 2007

Have Faith

Joanna: We are well-lit.

Xenin: I have faith, Robin.
Gaulrog: I should hope so, you’re the cleric.
Xenin: Well yes, it’s in Wee Jas.

Kris: Goddess of Magic, WTF?

AUGUST 4, 2007

Snakes on a Platform

Jared: House vs. Car. Car wins.
Kris: Mainly because houses can’t dodge.
Stephanie: Unless they are mobile homes.

Jared: I give myself false death.

Jared: I cast deathball!

Joanna: Grease, grease, grease.
Kris: And suddenly we all feel greasy. Birch, stop that.

Joanna: You should tie it to your belt, so you can drop it on the fly.
Kris: But don’t tie it to your fly.

Jared: I got piss on my crossbow again.

Enelya: I’m so happy I pick up Xenin.
(Much calculation later it’s determined she really can pick up Xenin.)
Kris: Just tell me I’m chest-high and I won’t care.

Robin: How many apathetic snakes can you fit on a platform?

OCTOBER 13, 2007

Roguish Behaviour

Pete [GM]: It occurs to you…wait make an Int check.
Stephanie: Durrrrrrrrr. Kris: It occurs to you that fireball is a really great way to start a fire.

Robin: It is a very manly bond. I don’t expect you to understand.

Birch: Why isn’t it dead yet? Is it dead yet?
Xenin: And now she’s hot again.
Robin: That’s the fireball.

Kris: (whispers) Search the body.
Jared: I didn’t think of it.
Roland: (whispers) Bad rogue.

Enelya: (silence)

MARCH 2, 2008

The Helm of Litches

Robin: Maybe I’ll search the trap for buildings.

Xenin: Wait, who’s sharing a room?
Robin: We’re sharing a room. And they’re sharing a room.
Xenin: They’re sharing with us?
Robin: Those were two separate sentences, Xenin.
Xenin: I got all excited.
Robin: Put that away.

Goblin: We take you chief.
Gaulrog: You can’t have our chief.

Pete [GM]: You can call it a hand-scythe.
Stephanie: I like ham.
Kris: He said hand-scythe, not ham-scythe.

Stephanie: They took a shower together too?
Meta-Robin: What is this shower you speak of? Did it rain?
Meta-Gaulrog: In the Inn.

Robin: For that performance, you can keep the rest of the gold.

Birch: I like my men tastefully short.

Pete [GM]: There is a large snake. Birch: Ooh, Jesus! Um, er…
Jared: Ooh! Wee Jas!

Snake: Tell me the tenants of Balance.
Roland: George.

Joanna: It’s not the size of the dice.
Kris: It’s the size of the cleric rolling.

Pete [GM]: It’s some kind of force effect.
Roland: It’s some kind of force effect. Not sure if it’s light or dark.

Kris: Next on Geraldo – My Heirophant is a Zombie!

Jared: We may all die to a giant snake!
Kris: But at least I had sex with Birch!
Joanna: I died a happy elf.

Enelya: Hey Birch! We’re smoking!
Pete [GM]: You girls are hot.
Kris: That’s the fire snake.

Roland: 8. That’s not enough to hit him.
Jared: That’s not enough to hit anything.. I couldn’t hit me with that.

Enelya: Get a room.
Birch: Okay.

Birch: Do you have a crown?
Robin: I have a coif.
Birch: Does it have any ledges on it?
Robin: *mimes holding a statue up to his head*
Everyone: *laughs*
Kris: I’m so glad she said ledges, because I thought she said litches, and I was trying to figure out how Robin survived with litches on his head.

Jared: At last! The Helmet of Litches! Bwahahaha! [puts on helm, turns into a little litch stuck on the helm]
Kris: And all the other litches are like, “Dude, we are so stupid! Why doesn’t anyone actually look before putting this on?”

APRIL 6, 2008

Back to our Home Plane

Robin: You know why we’re here. What do we do with them?
Diviner: Where did you get them?
Enelya: You should already know.

Robin: Two copper pieces for a chicken – 50 chickens for a gold – times 25….2500 chickens.

Stephanie: Xenin’s playing with Robin’s snake.

Kris: Somewhere in Kris there lives a male chauvinist pig. Who knew?

Xenin: I’m not talking to Enelya and she’s confusing me.
Robin: You’re being confused by proxy.

Birch: There’s friends, and there’s ‘I pay you to do this to me.’

Pete [GM]: Anything else for the day?
Meta-Xenin: Doing Birch.
Meta-Birch: I need a victory-lay.

Kris to Pete [GM]: I have a harder time picturing you in goth gear than me baring my chest.

Xenin: We’re hoping for a priest or two – we have room for two – to come along in case of –
Robin: Emergency
Xenin: Cataclysm


The Campaign Ends

Kris: So what does the meta-magic rod of extend lesser do?
Jared: Helps Xenin in the bedroom. Everyone: Whoa.
Jared: I’m not saying you *need* help in the bedroom. It would help anyone in the bedroom.

Pete [GM]: You do you things.
Meta-Xenin: No, really. I do Birch. I don’t have to do my own thing anymore.

Robin: Oh, hi, Enelya. Did you have a good evening?
Enelya: Pretty good. Not going to ask about yours.
Robin: I had a good evening. Thanks for asking.

Pete [GM]: This is not the players vs. the GM.
Jared: No? I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.

Robin: We went to Monitor, we got knighted, we got poisoned, tried to get assassinated.

Robin: I think I can take a cut in pay for saving the world.

Kris: So what happens while I’m sitting here being bespelled by my beloved? Do I even notice Robin walking in?
Pete [GM]: No.
Jared: Robin probably doesn’t notice Robin walking in. I was in the street, now I’m in a bar. Ale!

Robin: You put it there, Goddess of Death, and people are like, OMG! Or rather, Oh My Not My God!

Roland: Conjuration, illusion, illusion?
Pete [GM]: We’ll take things that Gaulrog can’t cast for 400, Alex.

Meta-Xenin: Don’t kill the girls! Girls are fun to watch!
Pete [GM]: Yes they are!
Meta-Enelya: Pervent.
Pete [GM]: Single Guy.
Kris: She was talking to me!

Jared: Teenage mutant ninja salad…x2! Heroes in a salad bowl!
Kris: Salad power!
Jared: Lettuce power.

Pete [GM]: We are damage control today.
Roland: It’s 4th ed. damage.
Kris: It’s 4th ed. damage in a 3rd ed. world.

Jared: Illusion and conjuration!
Roland: Your treasure rolls suck. Sorta.

Jared: Every time you hit an ogre, silver comes out.

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