Star Wars d20: The Imperial Campaign
I play a lot of Star Wars games. This one was originally run by Larry, then taken over by Rich. We'd wanted to play a Dark Side campaign, most of us never having played The Bad Guys before.
Larry [as Griz]: I can find you better.
Rich [as Griz]: In my bedroom.
Kris: [Ceyl] does have strong points!
Rich: Must be combat 'cause that's not mine.
Kris: Oh no, I'm the combat character, aren't I?
Zanair: Oh, the Rebellion. Them.
Zanair: I'll pay for her time, sure.
Rich: Go Go Dark Force Droid!
Rich: Great. We just had a Millennium Falcon moment.
Larry: I think I've got you now.
Roland: [rolls dice] 27.
Roland: What do you mean, we can't buy a Star Destroyer?
July 10, 2005
Kris: He's in the Cargo Hold! It's not exactly the Brig!
Rich: I prefer to call it 'Airlock #1.'
Zanair: My friend probably failed to mention the airlock due to her sensitive nature. She's an attractive woman. Myself, I'm an attractive man.
Kris: Seraph, not Serif.
Roland: Oh. Not as in Sans Serif.
Kris: Right. Dark Seraph may be written Sans Serif on the ship.
Rich: The Dark Seraph is written in Serif.
Rich: He's going to cheat and use a knife.
Kris: It's not cheating. It's shiny.
August 6, 2005
NPC: You reek of diplomacy. It's sickening.
Kris: I might make up for the fact that I got knocked out by my own grenade eventually.
Larry: We're gonna pause for a moment while I go to the bathroom and get a refill.
Zanair: But apparently they were distracted by 60 tons of medical supplies.
May 3, 2007
NPC: Is it me? Are you hunting me?
Cleon: If it was you, you'd already not know it.
T-Bone: [to Ceyl] Having good feelings is your job.
Rich: He's probably looking into turning you into a cybernetic Twi'lek.
Meta-Vap: [gets all excited]
Mike: That would have killed anyone at this table.
GM: Except for this [spider-lizard] thing.
Mike: I meant the fart.
May 10, 2007
Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter: So dangerous, I gotta agree with you twice.
May 24, 2007
Cynthia: Well come along.
Vap: Oh I'm not walking?
Cynthia: Oh, you poor thing. No one understands you, do they?
Vap: Oh shit, you're still here?
June 7, 2007
Mike: Don't worry, I have an eiditic memory. I can remember the word eiditic.
Sam: See, if you become sentient as a droid you are immediately assigned an incompentant droid, like R2D2 and C3PO.
Mike: Like me and Knuckles
June 21, 2007
NPC: I don't want to be Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter. He smells like cheese.
Mike: Taunting is a happy place.
July 19, 2007
Rich: "I dub thee Sir Oops! Sorry!" "I didn't want to be called 'Sir Oops, Sorry!'"
August 30, 2007
John: I'm going to have to rewrite this when I have my finger back.
Kris: You're being corrupted by the ghost of Anakin Skywalker. How pitiful is that?
Mike: Porn is never wasted.
Knuckles: Do you want an escort to the airlock?
Mike: and I took the path less taken.
John: Which would not be Brannigan.
September 13, 2007
Rich: With his dark force heavy blaster.
John: So that's what they are calling it these days.
Mike: Who's addressing Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter anyway?
Rich: That would be the GM, wondering what the fuck you're doing?
Mike: I'm making sure the weapons I've secreted on my body -- secreted on my body...
Vash: This is Admiral Vaash.
Aja: Yes, I know.
September 27, 2007
Rich: And I didn't hear any mention of protection.
John: ...If I heal the damage to the uterine wall...
Kris: [stunned] The uterine wall is not DAMAGED by being pregnant!
Mike: I'm more of a bluffer than an intimidatorererer.
Mike: And then you drop dead? That's a chance I'm willing to take.
Mike: Why don't we just paint the torpedo black?
Sam: What do I roll?
Rich: For what?
Sam: To keep from going to insane.
October 10, 2007
Mike: Hell, I might shoot myself before I go into battle. Take my shirt off, shoot it three times.
Sam: Masterworked Twi'lek slaves.
Rich: And the cat has disappeared into the roof.
Kris: [iniative] 20!
Larry: I sense a great disturbance in the Force. You rolled above a 10.
Pu'tah: Admiral Tigritt. I didn't realize this required your attention.
Tigritt: Well I was next door.
Pu'tah: Ah. Noticed the blasterfire.
October 18, 2007
Mike: Crime does pay. No, wait, we haven't done any crime yet.
Sam: You've got sneak up the wazoo.
Kris: That would be painful.
Mike: Sneak attack from inside your body! [as GM] You miss! [as himself] How???
Ceyl: Don't leave, Vap. No one else will ever figure out what you did to the engines.
Mike: Here comes the bluff.
John: Normally it works better if you don't start with 'Here comes the the bluff.'
October 25, 2007
Sam: It will be interesting to see how the bimbo responds to this...
John: Kill the bimbo, declare victory.
Mike: I knock her out. With a tranquilizer dart.
Larry: Allergic reaction. She dies.
November 7, 2007
Rich: Did anyone buy any interrogation upgrades to their droids?
Sam: Yes, It's called an arc welder.
NPC: Not to be indelicate, but are you male?
NPC: Do you want to go before or after the gelatinous guy?
John: Boy talk about sloppy seconds on that one.
Mike: You're spending a Force point talking about your johnson?
Kris and John: No, he's spending a Force point increasing the size of his johnson.
Cousin John: I don't know how you got to this, but you'd better roll good.
Larry: 'The Force is strong in this one.' Not this one. [gestures at Sam]
Mike [during porn]: Do I need to make an astrogate check?
Kris: This is the most inept bounty-hunting ever.
Mike: We want a TIE-shattering ka-boom.
November 29, 2007
Mike: [singing] You can't keep an Ewok down...
Kris: It wasn't hiding. It was strategic...hiding.
Mike: That's the new motto of the New Imperial Guard - Nobody needs to know.
Aja: He was bisected in a 'training accident.'
Zaarin: How unfortunate.
Knuckles: If you want an amulet, I'll go down to the market and buy you some cheap plastic thing.
Ceyl: You'd buy me cheap plastic? I don't like you.
Knuckles: I could tell you its strong in the Force and you just can't see it.
Rich: That's 'cause it's Light side.
December 20, 2007
Sam: I wanted a strap-on so I could take it off when done.
John: I am not the bounty hunter you are looking for. That's right, you're fired.
Knuckles: Don't worry about it.
Ceyl: I am worrying about it.
Knuckles: [pause] Fine. Worry about it.
Kris: You want a thumper? We are not Fremen! There are no worms on Tatooine.
Rich: There's spice, but that's on Kessel.
Ceyl: Why don't we have mass drivers?
Rich: Because they're illegal.
Rich: We have the new-fangled probability drive.
Mike: You'll probably end up somewhere.
NPC: I didn't know you weren't a real woman.
Rich: He's not a bounty, he's a drunk.
December 27, 2007
John: But last time I checked, Krayt dragons don't have ion drives.
Ceyl: What's a bantha bomb?
Knuckles: It's a bantha with a bomb strapped to it.
Kris: Hate will make me stronger, not courage.
John: I go down to look for Vap. By which I mean looking for gullet stones.
Aja: 10% of the leather.
Everyone: Worst Negotiator Ever!
Pu'tah: There's a trap! Keep the probe droids back!
Mike: I find 'em, you disable 'em?
Larry: Works for me.
Mike: Together we're one good rogue.
Kris: Who is the Admiral I worked for?
John: Depends on the day of the week.
Kris: We rock!
John: We rule!
Larry: We were lucky.
Mike: Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter Emperor.
Mike: World's worst coatrack.
Larry: Darth Darth, the Darth!
Mike: Do you think there's 50 shots left in that blaster? or 49?
John: I sense a great disturbance in the Force. It's as if a million voices cried out at once, 'Get on with it!'
Larry: No, wait, I'm confused.
Kris: Okay, let me start again. There is a Force that connects all living things.
John: Your escort is using you for cover.
Everyone: Worst Escort Ever!
Sam: And that's what you get for messing with Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter.
Sam: In space, no one can hold their nose.
John: It's thermal detonator soccer!
Mike: Are there any enemies other than Aja floating around?
January 24, 2008
Kris: I'm wicked pissed at Admiral Thrawn. He broke my holocrons.
Mike: I like Grand Admiral Thrawn.
Sam: After all, he broke her holocrons.
Mike: We've built a death star large enough to blow up a moon. Not a planet, a moon, but it will intimidate them.
Aja: Can I ask your assistance on something?
Vap: When do you not ask my assistance on things?
Ceyl: What's the name of your assistant engineer?
Vap: Choad. [pause]
Ceyl: You're flying into a trap!
Zanair: We figured that out.
John: I always blow a Force point on my ship.
John: He's playing Judo with spaceships.
Larry: More like pool.
John: TIE fighter in the corner pocket!
Mike: I haven't seen a pounding like that since Ren Starkiller's last porno
Mike: Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter Squadron, the Squadron.
Rich: Force Mass Drivers.
Meta-Ceyl: Oh, that's where the mass drivers on my ship are!
Larry: Vap works in mysterious ways.
Kris [about Mike]: I love watching him roll dice. It's almost a mystical experience.
Everyone: Worst Hacker Ever!
Ceyl: Welcome to the Heavenly Voice. It's usually this chaotic.
Aja: How many of us were there?
Mara Jade: 10.
Mike: We should call them fingers.
Kris: Kill the droids. Before they breed.
Kris: Zanair. He's also Zaarin, but not right now.
Ceyl: I've lost track of who I'm double-crossing.
February 7, 2008
Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter: So bad, I can't take myself down.
Rich: Time for your diplomacy checks.
Larry: May the Schwartz be with you.
John: I'll need it. My diplomacy check isn't that great.
Larry: Plus you're tired from the last round.
Sam: I see a new bounty on your list - Grand Admiral So and So, new leader of the Black Sun.
John: Ooh, you said there was clothing here.
Rich: Yes, you can get super-sexy, super slutty outfits.
Meta-Ceyl: I know the best places.
Mike: Nude initiative.
Kris: Dude, you melted.
February 21, 2008
Rich: There's 10 vitality points you'll never see again.
John: They're not trying to recreate the Emperor; they're being bitches.
Kris & John: And now they're going to be our bitches.
Kris: The Republic - We're worse than the Empire!
Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter: We are duly appointed representatives of the New Republic. Surrender or we'll whup more ass.
Mike: That sounds like a sitcom. Boarding Party of Five.
Sam: Make sure you install a grounding wire on your starship.
Mike: And all we did was blow shit up.
March 6, 2008
John: Hell, you'd be happy to own the Galaxy, you just don't want to rule it.
Mike: If his vice is Russian Roullette with a blaster...
Rich: Enough Star Wars: Tycoon.
Sam: Let's blow stuff up.
Vap: You need to work on your illusions. You're slipping.
Aja: Ah. I'll take that as you volunteer.
Vap: You call your ship Vader?
Aja: The Vader?
Mike: Are you in Vader?
Mike: Is Vader in you?
Aja: I have been in Vader and Vader in me. That's kinda kinky.
John: I like big hares and I do not lie.
Shadowstalker: I am triple-jointed.
Dave: That brings up some interesting possibilities. But your still technically male, aren't you?
Shadowstalker: If you can't tell, does it really matter?
Dave: [leering] I guess not!
Shadowstalker: I'm still down wth the exploding sea bantha.
Shadowstalker: If we weren't the super-cautious and powerful types...we might have died.
Aja: Finally, the Vader will be complete!
Larry: What, a good pilot?
March 30, 2008
Sam: And a three-legged bantha in Coruscant.
Mike: That would be hard to find.
Sam: But once you found it, it would be easy to track.
Mike: I could make an Interdictor ship for less than that.
Kris: But all the other Interdictor ships would laugh at it.
Meta-Ceyl: Ah. They're flirting. By BUGGING MY OFFICE!
Meta-Aja: How am I going to flirt back?
Sam: In fact, I'll just back the truck up and load the orphanage onto it.
Larry: Release the hounds!
John: yip yip yip yip yip yip. We had to downsize.
Larry: ...Kill the hounds!
Mike: He's too quick to be evil.
Shadowstalker: Making space safe for everyone but me.
April 3, 2008
Sam: It's easy to do Mike because all I have to do is write SSTBH.
Rich: The Galactic Peace Corps is now hiring --
Rich: The Galactic Registry of 'Do Not Kill.'
Mike: For $500,000 credits, we'll keep your name on our no kill list.
John: We will not kill you, or your money back.
Brack: You've destroyed all of our capital ships! And a defense platform! Why?
Shadowstalker: I have to be honest with you, Brack. And you'll appreciate it. Money.
Mike: Hutts. Now we have dental.
Mike: There's a hundred of my fighters patrolling space.
Kris: Space is very big. You should narrow that down some.
Meta-Vap: Oh, by the way, I know have dark lightning. Who needs a welder?
Sam: I don't know what the Star Forge is, but I'm totally convinced Vap can fix it.
April 17, 2008
John: And I like my men less womenly.
Kris: You only thought those were testicles.
Mike: These are my cybernetic balls.
Larry: And watch what happens when you squeeze them!
Sam: Oh, this can not end well for us.
John: I apparently suck.
John: Write that one down in your book. Aja admitted she was wrong.
Ceyl: It's my planet? The planet that's tried repeatedly to kill me??
Char'ack: We've annexed it in retribution for trying to kill you.
May 15, 2008
Mike: There's definately science...happening.
Kris: This is Star Wars. There is no science.
Emperor Palpatine: You call yourself my apprentice? Get Here NOW.
Rich: You see yourself in chains.
Kris: Anything more on that?
Mike: You like it.
Aja: We're going to the Emperor's flagship.
Ceyl: Great, I'll have time to change.
Sam: The trust in here is overpowering.
John: He actually made Luke his apprentice. That proves he's my Emperor.
Mike: Actually, your Emperor failed at that.
Emperor Palpatine: So you want to be my apprentice.
Ceyl: I have never wanted anything else.
Emperor Palpatine [to Ceyl]: You're a winsome little thing, aren't you.
John: Lightning Bolt Wedding.
Rich: He did let Lord Skywhacker back up.
Kris: Lord Skywhacker??
John: Don't haggle with the Emperor.
Larry: I just grossed out the Emperor.
Inquisitor: There's no need to hide, Senator Char'ack.
Char'ack: Hiding? I was just hanging out.
Inquisitor: The active stealth suit gave it away.
May 29, 2008
Anakin's Force Spirit: There is a way to sever a Hand's link to the Emperor. But it's dangerous.
Vap: How dangerous?
Anakin: She screws up, she's dead.
Vap: But no danger to me.
Anakin: Oh no, you'll be fine.
John: For once I got the math right and you didn't.
Rich: That's probably gonna haunt you for a bit.
Meta-Vap: And if it doesn't, I have it recorded so we can watch it again.
Mike: She's the bodyguard that says, 'Baby, hit me one more time.'
Rich: Yeah, the Queen of Naboo. Jar Jar Jr.
Sam: You did not just say Jar Jar Jr.
Ceyl: Anyone want to know what we're going to do now?
Meta-Shadowstalker: I'm going to the Disney Universe.
Woozie: Doesn't that sound wonderful? Jedi Master Crime Lord Char'ack.
Mike: Why don't you just do Aja backwards?
Vap: [does some sexy moves with his lightsaber]
Ceyl: You feeling sexy there, Vap?
Vap: Why? Is it turning you on?
Ceyl: ...Maybe a little.
Alvin: Can I recommend dancing girl outfit #3? I like dancing girl outfit #3.
[Leia and Han Solo step onto Ceyl's ship.]
Meta-Ceyl: Somewhere they just revoked my Sith Membership Card.
Han Solo: Good Luck. The Republic is counting on you.
Ceyl: [smirking] May the Force be with you.
Leia: [has no idea how to take that]
Kris: And they all thought Zanair was going to propose.
Rich: Zanair? Propose? They don't know him very well.
Kris: That's my point.
Rich: Besides, he needs to stay available for a political marriage.
Kris: He can have a mistress and call her wife. Ceyl's fine with that.
June 12, 2008
Mike: That's not a cat licking the back of my leg?
Sam: No, that's Larry.
Mike: Our side doesn't have a lack of confidence.
Mike: [Meta-Ceyl] I didn't like his rice crispie treats. Torture him some more.
Mike: The Emperor needs food badly.
Mara Jade: Luke's in the bacta tank.
Kris: Did you just say, "Luke's in the bat cave?"
June 26, 2008
Aja: Knowing the Emperor, he'd probably mind control us into having a cat fight.
Zanair: That sounds fun.
Kris: Two bots, three acolytes, 10 crimson guards
John: And an Emperor on a dias...
Emperor Palpatine: My new apprentice has already taken your place.
Larry: Ceyl's is going to be so upset when she finds out it's not her.
Rich: A transport vessel took out 90 elite stormtroopers. They would send in 100 stormtroopers for a capital ship! They thought they had overkill!
Kris: I'm cheering for Luke Skywalker. Someone kill me.
Crimson Guard: They didn't tell me there'd be Jedi!
John: I shoot a missile at the ShadowGuard on Ceyl.
Everyone: A missile??
Brittany [to Alvin]: LOSER!
Sam: Does Luke successfully use the secret power of Luke and kill everyone?
July 10, 2008
Rich: I'll let you know when you get hit by a pike.
Kris: Dude, if that axe-guy survives, we should hire him.
Larry: I'm gonna start having you roll d6s for my d8s. Probably do better.
Kris: Go Team Mara Jade!
Sam [as Woozie]: Don't even try to ge me more dark side points here.
Sam: And the great train of Whiff has pulled into the station.
Aja: But I still have 56 vitality.
Kris: [Meta-Aja] And I'm in a bacta tank!
Rich: [Meta-Aja] I don't see this ending badly!
Aja: My armor's wet.
Ceyl [over holobroadcast]: This is Empress Ceyl Ookita. Emperor Palpatine is dead. I am now Empress of the Galaxy. I hereby order all Imperial vessels to stand down and surrender to the Galactic Republic or be destroyed utterly. [turns to Luke and Zanair] Chancellor Skywalker - The Empire surrenders.
July 23, 2008
Ceyl: This is a mental note. Kill anything named Prewitt.
Shadowstalker: I kill your Emperor! I kill you, bitches!
Ceyl: There are Jedi Masters turning over in their graves right now.
Sam: A ship safe saves lives. [pause] A safe ship saves lives.
Woozie: I've got great news!
Woozie: I checked the genetic records and we can have a child!
Char'ack: Of all the things I expected you to say, that was not it.
Rich: There's no Jedi Council. Luke's not sure he wants to start the corruption of the Jedi with the Council.
Kris: Right, having the Sith in his school is probably corruption enough.
Shadowstalker: But how do I know they work?
Rich: He shoots a passerby. They drop like a sack of potatoes.
Shadowstalker: That's no good. He's still alive!
Kris: [Meta-Shadowstalker] He shoots a passerby. They drop like a sack of potatoes -- on fire!
Police: Shadowstalker, did you see who killed these two people?
Shadowstalker: That one's alive!
Police: Yes, that one's unconscious. But the one with his head missing and the one with the grappling hook through his chest...
Shadowstalker: [holding a launch gun for the grappling hook with the line back to him, and a thunderer in the other hand] I have no idea.
Shadowstalker: I've always said, if you want an assassination done well, hire someone to do it for you.
Ceyl: Because when I said I was going to hunt you down and destroy you, I meant I would hire someone to do it for me.
NPC: I've always dreamed of joining the Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter Guild.
Shadowstalker: As opposed to a knife in the head.
Kris: We're doing better than last time. He hasn't fucked her yet. Mike: Yet.
Sam: Any day you can walk away from the hallway blowing up is a good day.
Sam: Gravity doesn't affect me. I'm Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter. Or even better, I roll intimidate on gravity.
Mike: I've got two options.
Kris: Which are?
Mike: Throw a dagger...or run away or die.
Kris: That's three options.
Mike: Yeah but two of them are really the same option.
August 16, 2008
[At Star Wars: The Clone Wars]
Kris: That's a Ceyl quote. Ceyl would say that. 'You can't be a good girl forever.'
Larry: Yes, but you have to start somewhere.
August 20, 2008
Char'ack: Think of it as a modified rule of one. There's only side - Ceyl's side.
Ceyl: Nkllon or M'haeli?
Ceyl: That's better. We can pronounce it.
Rich: Why did you choose our planet for your new offices?
Ceyl: We can pronounce it.
Shadowstalker: That's Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter Guild property! This means war!
Mike: Space dungeons and dragons. With space dungeons. And space dragons.
Sam: Hey, he targetted that grenade. Right up that hole.
Char'ack: You're channelling Brittany.
Blackheart: You don't understand. I haven't gotten to kill anything in a month.
[Ceyl and Zanair carve open a door in the shape of a heart with their lightsabers]
Mike: Is it a door that opens in the middle?
Rich: Yes. And when they land, they do a lot of damage.
Sam: Are you trying to say they died of a broken heart?
Blackheart: Surrender now or die forever!
Char'ack: Which one is Yarick?
Vattasaroo: The effeminate one.
Larry: I'm going to use my Sith/Jedi knowledge.
Kris: To go to the bathroom?
Sam: Larry, I don't think you need your Sith/Jedi knowledge to go to the bathroom.
Larry: It helps. It's all about weilding the blade.
September 10, 2008
GM: Three escort frigates.
Mike: We'll call those 'death traps.'
Larry: You should find out which three are behind it.
Kris: We were going to but we got distracted by real estate.
Mike: I'm just going to go around saying Vote for Zanair.
Kris: Or else.
Larry: Or I'll kill you.
Mike: I don't need to say that.
Yarick: I'm doing very well. My wife isn't speaking to me. It's better than I hoped.
Larry: Oh, it makes sense now. What did Brannigan do?
Char'ack: Wow! Are those real gemstones implanted in your face?
Vap: In my face?
Sam: I forgot where you said the gemstones were.
GM: What is your actual vote going to be?
Sam: Of course I'm voting against Zanair.
GM: You can tell she was extremely beautiful until someone took a blade to her face and carved it off.
Meta-Shadowstalker: Not me.
[After Ceyl is given the mask that, amongst other things, gives you telepathy]
Meta-Char'ack: I want all the money, the money, the power, give it to me...
Meta-Shadowstalker: I wonder how Char'ack would taste in a soup.
Char'ack: I need to get my best guys working on this.
Best Guys: What the fuck is this?
Meta-Ceyl: Who we love. We love Alvin.
Meta-Shadowstalker: I think I'm going to kill Alvin.
September 24, 2008
There's a big discussion best summarized as: Imagine Ceyl and Luke, sitting in a lounge, both with beers in hand, as Yoda harangues Luke for letting the Sith into the New Jedi Academy and how he's falling to the Dark Side, and Naga Sadow harangues Ceyl for being a weakling and totally unqualified to lead the Sith.
Luke: You know, I used to think it was cool that I was getting taught by force spirits, but now it's just one more burden.
Ceyl: You'd think these two would notice each other and finish each other off for us.
Luke: Yoda! Look! Naga Sadow!
Ceyl: Naga Sadow! Look! Yoda!
Naga Sadow and Yoda have a big battle. Ceyl and Luke clink beer bottles together and drink. Yoda wins.
Luke: That didn't work out like I expected.
Ceyl: Worked out GREAT for me!
Ceyl takes another drink, smug and grinning.
Yoda turns to Ceyl: To the Light Side, you will come. My new project, you will be.
Ceyl looks horrified, and downs the rest of her bottle in despair.
Luke laughs and drinks some more.
Kris: So we zoom around Ossus looking for some old Jedi Temple of doom.
GM: You find the Temple of Doom!
Kris: Don't you think we need Han Solo for this?
Larry: I get in a defensive position.
GM: Okay...Does that mean retreat?
Kris: I should 'Shut up, Beth,' shouldn't I?
Sam: Come on Sage! You can roll above a one!
GM: [rolls two]
Kris: She did. She rolled a two.
Vap: Let's see Naga Sadow compensate you like this.
October 1, 2008
GM: Yoda is a free range spirit.
Sam: I was thinking free range chicken when you said that.
Ceyl [to Char'ack]: See, this is what happens when we hang out with Light Side people. Doesn't it suck?
Vap: Excuse me Captain.
Ceyl: Yes Vap?
Vap: ... The ship is ready.
Ceyl: What? You've always made the point that you aren't light side, you're neutral.
Vap: I'm just saying the ship is ready. [gives her a look] And the healing helps.
GM: Oh My God, I never thought anyone would ever try anything as stupid as this. This is GREAT!!
GM: I have horrible news. You save.
Larry and Kris: You run TOWARDS Exar Kun??
GM: Lusker's dead. All that's done is free the Spirit of Exar Kun.
Sam: Say it isn't so.
GM: It isn't so.
Sam: Good. Then someone else can roll a will save.
Luke: Depart this place, Sadow, or be destroyed.
Char'ack: Yes I'm totally gonna tear up about this. Okay. that's done.
Char'ack: We're doing this for the good of all humanity. And non-human people. Like me.
GM: You need to give Zanair a tour of the ship.
Ceyl: Sure. Here's my bedroom. Come on.
Larry: [Meta-Ceyl] A full tour...of my body.
Luke: It's perfectly balanced! It's brilliant!
Char'ack: Isn't that what we strive for?
Ceyl: Not me. I have it on very good authority I'm supposed to be a counterbalance.
Char'ack: Doesn't that just mean you're working towards balance?
Ceyl: Shut up, Char'ack.
Kris: It's the Senator Char'ack porn that's really disturbing.
Char'ack: Hey, where'd that stuff come from? And where's my cut?
October 15, 2008
Mike: Never assume a gun is unloaded. Even if you've fixed the gun five times and there's no clip in it.
Ceyl: Fine. You can come along too, Kyp, and if you're right about Alderaan, you get Lumiya's extra credits.
Kyp: That's all right, Mistress; Lumiya needs them more than I do.
Lumiya: Hey! That was mean!
Ceyl: Well, be mean back.
Lumiya ineffectually hits Kyp in the arm.
Kyp: [pretending] Ow.
Ceyl: I said be mean, not be cute.
Kris: Although Zanair and Ceyl carved a door into a heart with our lightsabers. So I can't really talk about cute. But at least we were cute with style.
Mike: And blasted the doors open.
Kris: And killed people with them. Cute, with style.
Kris: What do our scouts report?
GM: It's a trap.
Kris: Thank you, Admiral Ackbar.
Kris: Blackie's trying to pretend he's our laser sounds.
Mike and Rich: Mew! Mew mew mew Meeeeoow!
Mike: And the explosions go Woof!
Rich: The last remnants of the Empire are holed up at an old Rebel base.
Everyone: It's a trap!
Kris sits down, but the cat took her seat. She flails about trying not to squish the cat, and trying to stand and sit, and eventually stands, tips over the chair, and knocks over her glass of water, everywhere.
Kris: Damn you, cat!
Kris: Is the force presence light or dark?
Mike: It's kind of a caramel color.
October 29, 2008
Grigor: I'm being reassigned, aren't I?
Grigor: To Alchemy Lab #1, right?
John: Wait, who's Nelson?
Kris: The guy who keeps calling during game.
[Not five minutes later, Rich's phone rings. It's Nelson.]
Larry: Weren't we just talking about this?
Shadowstalker: I'm Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter. Bang. You're dead.
Shadowstalker: Your grandmother's a slaver?
Ceyl: It's Ryloth. We're Twi'leks. Slaves, Dancing Girls, Majordomos. Our three major exports.
Ceyl's Grandmother: I've seen your video.
Shadowstalker: Which one? The porn? Or the other ones?
Grandmom: The porn. I've seen the others, but they don't excite me as much.
Mike: You owe a little rabbit a favor.
Rich: Kiss my ring.
Shadowstalker: You Wilda?
Wilda: Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter...Bounty Hunter.
Shadowstalker: This is my associate, Ceyl Ookita. Her private bodyguards. [pauses] That's our engineer.
Wilda: What are you offering?
Shadowstalker: We don't annihilate your guild?
Wilda: Something more substantial?
Shadowstalker: We don't annihilate your guild...for now?
Mike: Even the money's scared to run away from Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter.
November 12, 2008
Rich: We're talking 300 billion credits. We need to bail out the Galactic Bank.
Ceyl: Blackheart, you just like Dancing Girls.
Blackheart: Well, yeah, do you blame me?
Blackheart: They're like younger versions of you.
Sam: I like the younger part.
Char'ack: I heard that Aja has passed from this galaxy to the next one, as the saying goes.
Amaya: Yes. It would have been hard for her to contact me otherwise.
Rich: Light Side and Dark Side agreeing on something? We can't both be right! You must be deluded!
Kris: The problem is, we're both right.
John: And you're both deluded.
Ceyl: Zanair, stop reminding me that you're technically a Jedi.
[Ceyl picks up Char'ack from inside her hood.]
Ceyl: Char'ack? What are you doing in my hood?
[Char'ack extends the spikes that Ceyl just put into his spine]
Ceyl: I wasn't expecting him to be in my hood!
Char'ack: I fell asleep!
Sam: I'm going shopping for guards.
Rich: Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter Guild Bodyguard subsection: You are already protected, and you already don't know it.
Char'ack: Red and black is fine. Hides the bloodstains.
Shopkeeper: What were you planning to do at this party??
John: Hey, Aja died twice, and recruited her own replacement after she was dead.
Sam: Aja should serve as a paragon of loyalty that we should all strive to emulate. Although maybe not emulate the dying.
Rich: XP. Everyone gets 1000. Vap gets an extra 200 for learning a valuable life lesson.
John: Don't fuck with Ceyl.
December 11, 2008
GM (Meta-Bride): Oh, you're the slut Zanair's been sleeping with.
Kris (Meta-Ceyl): And you're no longer in the running to be his bride. And you'd better start running. Or you won't be able to.
John: On the count of three.
John and Kris: Three.
[Everyone mimes lightning blasts.]
GM: They still call it the Jedi Academy even though there are Sith in it.
Kris: It must drive Luke crazy. Every time he says 'Jedi Academy' Ceyl giggles.
GM: What's your gather info?
GM: You have a slight chance.
GM: Not with that roll.
Sam: Hey, that's a totally solid 40.
Jason: Oh there are people here. I know them.
Kris: No you don't.
John: At least not Biblically.
Char'ack: With such beautiful women, Zanair, it must be a hard choice who to dance with first?
Zanair: There's no hard decision. I've been saving the first dance...[pauses and smirks slightly at Ceyl] for the Hero of the Republic.
Sam: Do I own Senator Bob?
Sam: Senator Bob is OBVIOUSLY corrupt!
Ceyl explains why she isn't upset Zanair has to marry, and why their relationship isn't ending, and gives a concise explanation of the political ramifications, ending with, "What, did you think I was just another pretty face?"
Malissa: [very small voice] I'd been hoping.
Ceyl [texting over com to Zanair after getting all three brides into House of Ookita fashions]: Look, Darling, dress-up dolls!
GM: The only thing you find out is she was rescued from an orphanage.
Sam: Not one of my orphanages?! Who was doing that?
[John and Kris point at Larry.]
Sam: At least the something organic Vap showed interest in doesn't eat people.
January 7, 2009
[Aerys hops into a bag. Mike picks up the bag and hands it to Kris with the cat in it.]
Mike: Did you order Chinese?
GM: Your cousin Ru'tah.
Mike: Are you sure it's Ru'tah and not U'tah?
GM: U'tah's your other cousin.
Shadowstalker: Well, my plan was to take your place. No one would know the difference.
Ru'tah: My wife would.
Shadowstalker: Your wife is going?
Ru'tah: That was the plan.
Shadowstalker: [pauses, thinking] How much did you make last year?
Larry and Kris: I'll give you a million credits to sleep with your wife!
GM: Give me a roll on your gambling check.
GM: You're horrible at gambling. But you are way better at bluffing. Roll that.
After making a bet that the next group to assault Badger's base would get three sections in:
Shadowstalker: [draws weapons] That bet was already mine, because I was already here! [shoots all the guards in the back] Take cover, Mel, we're switching sides!
Mel: [pauses] No shit.
Rich: If you've got 100 guards between you and Shadowstalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter....you may still want to run.
Logan: He must be the infamous Vap!
Logan: He's the most dangerous techie ever!
Mike: So who is the most dangerous female in the galaxy?
GM: You mean besides Ceyl?
January 21, 2009
Char'ack: Isn't she your favorite?
Ceyl: [pulls Char'ack out of her hood] Char'ack? Why are you in my hood - ow! [Drops Char'ack as he extends the spikes she inserted in his back]
Char'ack: Every so often I like making snarky comments at Zanair.
Ceyl: No, I just stopped by to give you a present and take away my Senator.
Zanair: It's appreciated.
Ceyl: Which? The gift or taking away Char'ack?
Mike: Leading causes of death: Smoking, Cancer, ShadowStalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter. "We're catching up."
February 2, 2009
Char'ack: I'm starting to warm up to Senator Bob.
Kris: Because you own Senator Bob now.
Cybermind: She must prove herself worthy through the trials.
Char'ack: Her underling would appreciate you not killing him while she undergoes the trials.
Ceyl: 82?? Okay, we cannot be expected to solve this by randomly opening doors.
Amaya: But let's keep on doing this.
Naga Sadow: Remember me? DIE!
Kris: Anything can be flanked. You're ShadowStalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter!
Mike: I can't be flanked.
Kris: You may have ShadowStalker the Bounty Hunter, Bounty Hunter surrounded, but you're the one who's flanked!
February 25, 2009
Larry: I'm offended.
Kris: Live with it.
Amaya: I try lifting a droid with move object.
GM: You fail. *pause* Okay, you can roll.
John: *rolls a 1*
GM: Attack one will hit, attack two will not. Attack three will hit, attack four will not.
John: Attack five will hit, attack six will not.
Kris: He loves me, he loves me not. I've run out of things to hit. He loves me not.
Kris: Ooh, Kyp did better than Shadowstalker! He took one down all by himself!
Mike: *gives Kris A Look*
Shadowstalker: What do I see?
GM: You see a sword droid. Stabbing you.
Yoda [to the dying Ceyl]: Help you, I can.
Sam: I'm going to use lucky. And if I roll a natural one two times in a row, I deserve whatever Rich throws at me.
Ceyl: And not dying, and Yoda is talking in my head, so what's the offer?
Mike: Two for one hot dogs.
[Yoda 'possesses' Ceyl with her permission]
Meta-Yoda: Mmmm, fuck you I will.
Meta-Ceyl: Get the images out of my head! He's in my head! I can't get the images out of my head!
Ceyl/Yoda: Prepared, we are.
Char'ack: I couldn't figure out which end of this to put in Vap.
John: Shadowstalker the bloodpool, the bloodpool.
Sadow: Who dares disturb my slumber?
Ceyl/Yoda, snarling: Darth Livida, this is.
Amaya: That's NOT Ceyl!
Char'ack: Who are you?
Ceyl/Yoda: Larger problems you have right now!
Ceyl/Yoda: Proud of her we are....not.
Lumiya: Time to become Dark Mistress of the Sith.
Lumiya dies, force spirit appears.
Lumiya: Oh, Becky! *disappears to go possess Becky
And at this point, one of the players ran off to join the National Guard, and the game came to a sudden, inglorious halt at our moment of triumph.